When you look at me, my interests, or even talk to me, probably the first thing you would realise is that I'm not a big sportsman. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be - but being unfit and lazy and much more computer-prone than most, it just doesn't ever seem to happen.

But. I'm actually quite a big footy supporter. Not this AFL bullshit. Not the insane American football. But Rugby. Also not English Rugby, which sort of confuses me when I watch it (maybe since I have no idea who any of the players are). No, I mean good old fashioned NRL. Australian.

Looking back, my dad always used to have work mates come over to watch the football games. I remember being like, 8 or 9? And going to party after party on the weekend where the kids would run around like maniacs in the backyard while the adults all watched the footy. Then I remember being about 11 and deciding I wanted to watch it too, so watching it having no clue what was going on, and why were all these men in short shorts tackling each other anyway?

I went off it for a while. I think every girl goes off football between the ages of 13 and 16. Then I decided to actually learn the rules for myself, so I would enjoy it more. And then it started. It stopped again, big time. And then.. about when I met Jason, I had just started watching it again. And now, because Jason is a typical male who enjoys footy as well, I've been sucked back into the games. I'm also a paying footy tipper, who was coming first in the comp. Okay, I was coming first for like, 1 week, before it all went pear-shaped.

My team is the Penrith Panthers. They're local and I'm big on local teams, and they aren't snobs or pretty boys like some of the other rugby teams. (Listen to me, as if I know them personally, or something). My favourite players are Luke Rooney (because he's tall, really quite cute despite that shocking picture and just, fabulous), Craig Gower (because he was the captain for ages and is a gentleman and very professional, despite the recent drunken groping scandal that got his captaincy taken away from him) and Tony Puletua (because he's like a teddy bear and he's doing awesome as a new captain).

So, I love my football. But I DO NOT LOVE watching my team start to suck lately. They began this season with a bang, and have now begun to .. well, suck again, like last year. Last game was on Friday night where they lost 12-40 to a snobby inner city side (bleh). But I also found out they were missing all three of my top blokes, so maybe that led to their smashing. All I know is that I am a happier chickadee when my team is winning, and when I am not being annihilated in my footy tipping competition. Why? Because I have a competitive streak in me that I never knew existed. Crazy, eh?

I am feeling much better, thanks. Actually, I'm feeling 100% better.

I won't go into details but I am relieved now. I'm not hated or ditched, I don't think. And I am seeing my favourite person tonight for dinner. I am even going to cook a special soup in celebration, for said dinner. Hoorah! It's even a "hearty" soup, for I am feeling very hearty myself. Ho-ho-ho.

I have decided I am in love with Michael Buble. Yes, I realise I've discovered him about ten years later than everyone else but oh man. His rendition of "The Way You Look tonight".. phew. =) If I ever get married, that must be on my soppy wedding playlist. It's lovely! Perhaps the day will come when someone will sing me that song. -sigh-

So is it just me, or am I the only person who bawls while reading books? I have always adored reading and have grabbed a book whenever I have the chance. But lately, it's like everything I read always sends me to tears. The most recent one was me re-reading The Bronze Horseman - I bawled the first time, but I thought I'd sort of be less emotional the second time, but no. I was left snivelling into my tissues and moping after I finished it again yesterday afternoon. May have been because I was a moping  loser yesterday ANYWAY, or because I am expecting a certain visitor sometime next week, but it was rather emotional.

I would love to be a writer. I would love to be a writer as my career. How does one become a writer?

So, not from J. He still has not talked to me since the walk-out.

But from all of you amazing people who commented on my last blog. I can't believe you guys actually found it, but I'm glad you did. If you have a link to your blog/journal that you'd like me to put up on mine, let me know. I'd like to get a list of sites to check everyday. That would be fabulous.

I walked another 2.4kms today. Have had this evil flu/cough for the last 9 days, and makes it hard to breathe in the morning. Yesterday I was fine but this morning.. yeah, it wasn't good. So I just walked for 30 minutes and cut my running out. Not bad. My legs are feeling it. I feel good after the 30 minutes is up. I just hope I'll have time to keep doing it when school starts back up on Monday.

So what does one do when one is not quite sure what their partner is thinking? After the disappointment debarcle on my Graduation Day, I sent him an IM and a text message - and heard nothing back. Then I heard nothing all of yesterday (Friday). And now it's Saturday. Did he break up with me, and I just didn't realise it? Am I supposed to be the one chasing him around? Is it MY job to do that? I have no idea. All I know is that I miss him. And I'm wasting my last weekend of holidays without him around to spend it with. And, that sucks.

So today I get the job of doing preparation for 1/2S (my lovely class) because I have abandoned the idea of doing school work in my two weeks off. I've got to prepare their Term 2 Maths timetable, COGS timetable, PDHPE timetable anddddd English study timetable. At the moment, all that's complete is their Spelling and Handwriting. I feel very unorganised but at the same time, I'm not fussed. Maybe I'll spend one big late night next week after school goes back doing it all. It's holidays, after all! Working shouldn't go on through holidays (even if I did get paid for them.. one of the benefits of being a Primary School Teacher).

I thought I had a rant ready to go today but I seem to have forgotten it. In which case, I will sign off now and come back later in the hope that I will remember it.

So.. I've always had trouble with my weight.

That's what most people say, right!? It's sort of a lie for me, but only sort of. I have never thought of myself as a healthy weight. I was always taller than everyone else at school, and solider and just, well, not like them. And as you do, I always compared myself to them and decided that I was overweight. My whole group of friends were basically short, skinny girls.. and then there was me.

It's only looking back now that I realise what an absolute nutbag I was. I was fucking beautiful. My Year 10 formal pictures make me want to cry, I was so gorgeous. And I always, always had doubts. I was upset because it was a Size 14 dress, I remember standing in the shop dressing room bawling because of what size it was. But you know what? I looked good. And just never realised it. I kept that dress all these years, because I want there to be a time when I am able to put that dress on again and just strut. I'll never wear it out again (no more formals, thank god) but it's a goal for me.

I started having relationship troubles with my exboyfriend in Year 11. He fucked with my self esteem and my personality so bad, what I wouldn't give to change the past. My weight started getting worse then. I went up a dress size by the end of high school, and I hated myself even more in Year 12. Those photos I would burn today, if I could. Not flattering. I have now also developed a phobia of ANYTHING strapless. *shudder*

And then. I started university right after. University - a hellish time of insane classes, weird timetables, social isolation and then. Cafes. Having 8pm tutorials, and the only thing being open was a KFC 5 minutes down the road. Never having time (or effort) to actually pack food, because I was always so damn late to everything. The joys of having a car and passing by drive-thru after drive-thru on the long way home. Excuses, yep. But the weight.. oh, the weight.

I'm not overweight anymore. I am, rather, fat. And it doesn't offend me when I say that because I don't have my head stuck in the sand anymore. I know I am. And for the past year, I have been trying to change that. I exercise. I try different eating plans. I get geared up for success and then get disappointed when nothing happens.

The most recent blow was starting a Shake Diet, going off it after a week because of getting the flu, and then my stomach deciding to tell me that it really didn't ever like the taste of those shakes, thankyouverymuch. So now, I have 4 bags of meal replacements that would last me another three weeks should I use them, but the thought of drinking them makes me want to vomit.

And I have a partner who has given up on me, and doesn't know why he bothers supporting me anymore. And I have online friends who have been amazingly supportive and understand when things go wrong. And I have a mother who is also really really good about it all, and is now encouraging me 100% to try something different. And then there's me, who's just desperate to get back into that Year 10 formal dress.

Yes, I've always had a problem with my weight. That's right. MY WEIGHT.

Well, I'm not quite sure how you found this blog, considering it was only created for the purpose of putting up with me and my ramblings. But it's nice to meet you, and I'd love it if you could leave a comment with some info in there. That way, I'll feel loved. I've seen lots of other journals from my random browsing and think it's fantastic that people can get to know each other through blogs.

And stalk each other. And lurk. And all those other lovely things.

But I'm being honest to say that I don't mind. I have a personal Livejournal which is more for bitching than anything else. That's been public for a while. So after seeing some other snazzy ones, I've always wanted to have my own.. anyway. Here we are. And my ramblings have begun already.

I won't write about myself right now. If you want to know more, read the About Me stuff. I haven't even played around much so it's rather basic but should tell you what you need to know. And if not, well, comment me. I don't mind. And I don't bite either.

Randomess for the day?

I began my walk to Newcastle. Yes, I live in Sydney. After reading a very special lady's blog (she happens to be my mother, rofl) .. I saw her goal to trek Route 66. Virtually, you see. So I've decided to do mine step by step. First goal? To walk to Newcastle to visit my mate Jen, who I haven't seen anywhere near as much as I want to. 150kms. No problem! I hauled my ass to the treadmill and walked 3kms this morning in 30 minutes. Even ran for a while, finished it up with some light weights and stretches. How I wish I had the time and energy to do that every day.

So far, I think I've managed to walk from my house, to the next road. But it's a start. Go Aly!

I was sitting in the RTA office this morning waiting to take my full licence update test and was watching the ladies in there. It was early, 9am, so quite empty. These two workers were sitting next to each other, cappucino in hand, shopping catelogue handy and enjoying a nice chat. How good it must be to have a pointless non-thinking job where you can just sit on your behind for hours. Why the hell didn't I think of getting into a career at the RTA? They're never friendly, no smiling is required and they're behind a glass shield so .. if anyone decided to get narky about .. hmm, let's say the cost of upgrading their licence for instance, they're protected. Damn. I'm in the wrong industry.

I am officially in love with my new Ipod. Oh yes, and I'm starting Weight Watchers today again too. All these milestones and it's a Friday - the last Friday of my holidays. Why do I always decide to do the lifechanging stuff at the END of my breaks? I'll leave this here for now. My shower is calling me.