So I don't do this often, call it creative bloggers block or something.

So. I've always secretly been in love with John Mayer. His voice gives me shivers and let's face it, he's hot. Rather hot, in fact.

He was hot preppy.

And now he is even hotter in this grungy, let-go stage. Someone give me a cold shower please.

So this post will probably come back to bite me on the ass one day.

I had my first day back in at school after the flu from hell, and thankfully, we ended up having the whole day off class so that we would have planning time. The last few planning days we had, ended up being stacks of meetings that took forever and very little planning so I was very wary. Anywwwwwhoooo.

((Oh, and I was also not amused to come in this morning and see a message on the noticeboard saying "Reports due to Marg by today". In fact, realistically, my heart actually stopped beating in my chest, because OH MY GOD I HAVE BEEN OFF ALL WEEK AND I HAVE DONE DIDLY-SQUAT OF MY REPORTS. Shit! I went down to my room, switched the computer on and was going to frantically conjure up some report comments, until someone walked in, asked what I was doing with all the lights off in my room, and then proceeded to inform me that the message was a joke. Haha! HA! Yes. HA! Funny!))

So, after a super short meeting (the best kind) we got told we had the day to do reporting and assessing. So I spent a good few hours sitting in front of a computer typing up comments about the first half of the year for my 25 munchkins. It was sort of fun for the few five kids or so. Hey, my first report writing experience, it was cool, alright? Suddenly writing the things I've always wanted to say but never could before, power. Lots of power. Until I got bored and then, dear me, it took forever. Seriously, about 2.5-3 hours later, I had finished them and my back was buggered.

Then I had to go learn how to use the reporting database, so that was quite fun too. Not too hard, just fussy and fiddly and my back still hurt. Oh, so did my arm, in case you wanted to know. The phantom gland pain in my right underarm/pit is still there. And my wonderful doctor (HA) said that Panadol will fix it. Right. If I came in with my arm torn off from a rabid dog attack, she'd probably still prescribe me with Panadol. HAAAAAAAAA. But. I finished it! All my little ticked boxes and comments are done, with the exception of one little boy whose name somehow managed to be wiped off my class list. Poor dear. I never knew how hard it was to actually write personalised comments for everyone, the hardest ones to write for are the dears who are a) naughty little turds, b) behaviourally challenged or c) have learning difficulties. But I think I survived. Phew!

Hi! Welcome back to my blog! It's great to have you.

NOW HAVE YOU SEEN HOW CREATIVE I WAS LAST NIGHT BECAUSE (OMG) I RE-DID THE COLOURS AND EVEN MADE MY OWN BANNER AND I FEEL SO CLEVER.

If you spot anything that doesn't work, let me know. I'm below-beginner at this graphical hanky-panky. Bunnies are too cute though. I go aww everytime I see them. Would anyone like to diagnose this bizarre medical illness I have apparently come down with? Out of nowhere, I currently have swelling and soreness and stiffness under my right armpit, sort of near the glandy bits. Nothing caused it, but it hurts like hell, and I can't lift my arm out or do things normally without it hurting.

I finally ventured outside yesterday to take some photos since the digitical camera HAS RETURNED. I was going to take a couple of me, but considering the fact that I had one hell of a bad hair day, I refrained. Instead, I got my old car, my new car, and Lucy - my lop bunny who is getting rather massive and changing her colour. Here we go!

Okay, so I didn't actually take this one. I found it on the camera when I was uploading mine and thought it was cute. Mum and Dad - coming back on the train. And no, she is not naked.

My dear old car. She looks rather in this photograph actually, maybe because you can't see the big-ass dent and rust in the back. Any buyers? Only $2000 Aussie dollars!

The NEW CAR! You know, looking at the two pictures side by side, they look kind of similar. Except one is, you know, ten times hotter than the other. Isn't she lovely? Isn't she perfect?

This is a blurry photo of Lucy. At this very moment, she is considering gnawing your face off. Be afraid. Her ears sense danger.

Help! She's on the move! Her eyes are narrowed and she is focused. She is ready to BITE! Run! Run!

Gosh, you people are dorks. How can you be scared of such an innocently beautiful bunny rabbit? -cuddles her- She used to be all orangey, but now, she is speckledy. Still cute though.

Tomorrow,because I know you all want them, I shall perhaps upload the pictures that were taken of Max having his bath. Haha. Rather amusing. Until then..!

Ok, so ever since I started reading people's blogs a year or so ago, I've always been amused by some of the "searches" that link people to the sites.

Especially the sites that actually post what it was people were looking for. So far, since I've had this public blog open, I've only had a few search engine stat results, mainly song lyrics. Especially for Stabilo and for The Fray. Apparently, people really like Flawed Design. Poor dears, ending up at my old ranting and rambling blog.

Anywho. I am rather disturbed to check my stats for today, and this is how someone found me:

Vomit videos to watch online. -cough-

Okay. So I don't know what's more disturbing. The fact that there are "45,565 results containing vomit videos to watch online (0.17 seconds)" or the fact that someone went searching through all of those pages to somehow end up at this blog, because my bloglink? Is not on Page Number 1. DISTURBING.

In non-vomit news, my parents arrived back in Sydney yesterday after catching a 12 hour train ride. Mum wasn't able to fly because she had the keyhole surgery. She's doing fine, feeling very sorry for herself and is still quite immobile. She's having next week off work and we'll be looking after her quite a bit for a while yet. I'm just glad she's home.

J. and I had a great dinner last night. We did end up going to that Barnaby's place and it was gorgeous! It was candlelit and wooden floors, really really nice. We got taken to this table at the back of the restaurant right near the patio, so we could see the river behind us. SO NICE. We had garlic bread for starters, J. drank and I had orange juice since I was the chaueffer for the evening. J. ate shredded duck and salads for his entree, I had tuna fettucine minus the tuna, and it had pinenuts and mushrooms, just YUM. For my main, I just ate a sirloan steak with mashed potatoes, and it wasn't too bad. J. ate trout, and I was rather alarmed to see THE WHOLE FISH staring at me off his plate. I do love that we are in our 20's but can still make fun of our food. Good times.

Dumb Moment(s) of the Evening:

* Realising I actually can't drive in my high heeled shoes which I have not worn in approximately 3 years. Realising I am also rather bad at buckling up ankle-heeled shoes. It was quite nice though having J. down on his knees in the parking lot doing up said buckle. Love!

* Erm, cutting my fettucine with one large super-sized steak knife in front of J. and several of our waiters before J. decided to point out exactly why he was laughing at me. What! I just grabbed the first knife I saw, how the heck was I supposed to know that I was using the wrong one? Until I tried to cut my steak with a butter knife I guess...

Today is May the 26th, 2006.

And it's my gorgeous boy's 24th birthday. Hoorah! HAPPY BIRTHDAY J.!!!

Since I'm 95% positive he has no idea that this blog even exists, I suppose I am safe to say what I planned for tonight. He yelled at me when I asked what he wanted for his birthday because I have my car loan. And since he's really quite hard to buy for - I told him I'd shout him to dinner instead, somewhere fancy shmancy that neither of us has been before. And hey, in almost 4 years, we've been to a fair few of our local restaurants. It was rather a challenge. So I scrapbooked him a car with all these cute random facts in it about the day he was born (Thanks to Wikipedia) and then booked this snazzy restaurant. This is where we are going! I haven't dressed up in a long time. Oh dear. But I hope he enjoys it, it's got some amazing ratings in the food books we have.

And yes. I am still coughing like a mad-woman, although this mother of all flus has now decided to reside in my SINUS instead of in my CHEST. How thoughtful of it.

Anyway. J. is the most important person in my life, and how he puts up with all of my crap is a miracle - so happy birthday babe. I love you, and you're fabulous. And here is one of my favourite photos of all time. It's us in Scotland in 2004, after just hiking up that big-ass mountain! Love!

Strange that I'm randomly thinking of this topic when I'm not even at school.

Actually, I am instead sitting at home feeling rather sorry for myself and wishing I had someone around to keep me company. Alright. Wishing I had someone around to whine to. That sounds more real. (Although, the irony is that my mum gets home tomorrow, and she's going to be the one whining to me!) ((Although, that is to be expected since she did undergo, you know, emergency surgery and has four gashes on her stomach.)) (((Although, my evil cough did leave me gagging and retching for hours last night with no-one to cry to.))) ((((I really need to quit with the brackets already.))))

Something made me start thinking back to high school, and the teachers that did playground duty there. At high school there was the quad area and then the oval. That was basically it. So, two teachers at recess and two teachers at lunch time. On a staff of about 50, mind you. Meaning, the teachers didn't really have THAT many duties when you think about it.

I work at a school with a staff of about 12 teachers. And we have also got a quad and an oval. But because our staff are so small, we do playground duties 5 times a week. I have three lunchtime duties and 2 recess duties. It never used to bother me at first, but it's just getting so boring. I know it's necessary (hello, duty of care!) but it's a big waste of time. No wonder I get nothing done, ever. People think that teaching is an easy job, you get in at 9, you leave at 3 and hey! You get lots of holidays too. I'd like to respond to that with a big FUCK YOU! (Pardon the french.) ((Damn, I used brackets again.)) (((And by the way, I have never ONCE got in at 9 and left at 3.))) ((((And my lovely holidays are spent planning for the next bloody term that is about to start, so HA.))))

Our oval is pretty massive. And we get probably around 200 or so kids down there, most times? So how the hell is ONE teacher supposed to actively keep an eye on 200 cherubs who are running, screaming, kicking, throwing, dancing, walking, playing, etc etc? It just seems so hopeless. The nicest part of playground duty is being trailed around by a random group of kids who all chirp things like; "Miss, can I hold your apple for you?" The worst playground duty I've had so far this year? Breaking up two fights in 5 minutes. Different fights with different people, mind you. Gah.

Why am I thinking of this? I have absolutely no clue. Possibly because I would have had a dreaded oval lunchtime duty today if I actually had a voice and had my ass at school. And since I am not there, I have no cute quote for the day by one of my kids. Instead I shall do a random google web search and post the first tacky quote I can find.

Quote of the day:

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

Proudly brought to you by Google's "I'm Feeling Lucky!" Oh, and also the website that it produced. Which is apparently named The Simpsons Random Quote Generator. The wonders of Google!

What a day! What a weird, weird day.

So. Today was my first day back at school after taking Monday and Tuesday off to recover my terrible flu and lost voice. I felt a bit better this morning, and just had a croaky voice so all was well. The kids were really sweet, they had written me get well cards and stuff. Very aww-worthy. I also heard that my little tantrum-thrower (behaviourally challenged) darling was also asking for me and wanting to know why I wasn't there. I am loved, hoorah!

We had school photos today. In the freezing cold wind, and the kidlets were all told they had to take off their jumpers and just be wearing their short sleeved t-shirts. Poor buggers. That resulted in a few tears from a couple of the girls, whose goosebumps would have been visible from several streets away. Anyway. The kids had their individual shots, and were all angelic. Even tantrum-thrower D. was well behaved and did a big cheesy smile. It was great!

Then came the group photo. And all hell broke loose. D. decided he didn't WANT to sit down to have his photo taken. He then also decided he didn't want to stand to have his photo taken. Then he decided he'd sit back down again, thankyouverymuch. But he would not face the right way, or put his knees and feet together. In fact, he didn't really want a part of ANY of this photo, alright? If the death stares this kid creates could kill.. haha. In a weird way, it was sort of funny watching him be so stubborn. But then not. Because twentytwo other munchkins were all freezing their asses off and getting rather narky towards D.

And then came the tantrums.

They were so bad, and involved screaming. Lots of screaming. He has never lashed out at me since I've had him, he's always just been emotional rather than violent. But he did lash out at my supervisor who came to talk him into getting off the chair and out of the photo. The tantrum continued. The other kids got pissed. I was trying to settle them down and hey! That's when my voice decided to go on me. So I'm there rasping at the kids to try and just stay focused, everything will be okay, and practice your big smiles! There we go!

It was so bad that the school principal got called and had to physically remove D. from the photo. And that was the end of my first photo shoot as a teacher. In completely random news though, my hair DID decide to behave today, although I believe as I was gritting my teeth and saying something like Twisties! Or Holidays! Or Smarties! (Ah hell, I don't remember which one I said) - I managed to get a mouthful of hair in my mouth. Just another lovely photographic memory.

I assumed the rest of the day was going to be awful. We had maths to do and lots of writing work, AND we needed to do singing practice for our Education Week item. D. hates singing at the best of times, he has issues with his ears. Anyone seen There's Something about Mary ?? He's going to grow up to be a Warren. Anywho. He was an angel ALL DAY. He even came up and gave me this biggest hut at the end of the day because he said he would miss me if I was away tomorrow. It was a rather odd day.

Oh, and in other news. I was told to take tomorrow off and rest my voice, because it's obviously not well enough to talk properly. Day off. Another one! Slack I tell you. I am slack!

Teaching quote of the day:

"You're not the boss of me! Only Miss S. is the boss of me!"
Dear T, you are so right, mwahahaha!

Hi there. Aly here. Just thought I'd write you a small letter, expressing my love-hate relationship with you right now. I hope you enjoy!

We've had quite a past together, doctors surgery. Why, did you know that you are the first surgery I ever went to? That's right! When we moved to this lovely neighbourhood when I was but a toddler, there you were - your doors flung open in welcome and we knew, we just knew, this was the local GP for us. My lovely Dr C is still there, she has barely aged a day too. It is rather creepy now that I mention it, but you know, I won't get into that right now.

While I don't remember back that far, I do remember the lollipops. Ahh, the lollipops. What better way to bribe young children into sitting still and either a)getting needles or b)watching other people get needles or c)running around the room hiding from the thought of needles. Dear doctors surgery, is it you and your lollipops to blame that I have many, many cavities and a rather large fear of the dentist??

You were there, dear surgery, many times when I needed you. Like that six month period when I was in Years 4-6 when I turned into an accident prone maniac. You were there to set those broken bones; all five thousand of them. Well, let's see. Do you remember them all? There was the left wrist x 4, the right wrist x 1, the numerous toes, the left ankle, oh and all of those fingers. Good times, good times.

I remember, the time when that lovely old doctor disappeared. He was the one who used to chase me around the room when Dr C. wasn't there to calm me down with the hint of lollipops. He was the one who used to scare me into hiding behind the observation room curtains because he terrified me. Absolutely terrified me. I remember when he disappeared, dear surgery, and it wasn't for another few years that I learned that he had actually committed suicide. A very sad time.

Ah yes. I could go on for hours. There is such a history between you and I, I cannot deny that. I could mention those brown chairs in the waiting room which are older than I am. I could mention the horrid receptionists that come and go. I could even mention your bathroom door, which to this day does not have a lock on it and leaves me in a panic every time I have the urge to pee since obviously, someone could just walk in at any time and expose my nether parts to the entire universe. Or, you know, waiting room. Or, nobody. But that is not the point.

Alas, dear surgery. The times have changed. And so I have a question. Please, take your time before you answer. WHY THE FUCK DOES IT NOW TAKE OVER 3 HOURS TO BOOK A SIMPLE VISIT TO MY FAMILY DOCTOR??

Your ever patient, er, patient,

Aly.

One I actually remember for once. That's impressive.

You know those weird dreams that you sometimes get when you don't sleep well? My last night's sleep was just like that, full of completely weird and random things. I thought they were real too, until I woke up.

Me teaching a Synchronised Swimming class.
The "Lockdown" evacuation system alarm going off.
All my kids being herded into our classroom and school wing, and me having to lock everything up.
The other three classes in our school wing deserting us and leaving my class alone.
Director Ron Howard coming in to rescue us at the end.

Lucky me also woke up with sinus, a cough that sounds a lot like a seal and has left my throat feeling scraped down with a spatula, as well as a voice that likes to fade in and out alot. So I rang my supervisor and had another day off school. I know it's a Monday and I do feel bad about it but I was just imagining my throat after a day of screaming. It really was the worst day to have off too - Mondays are so easy. I miss only 3 hours of class, 1 hour of RFF time and 1 hour of assembly. Damnit. But you can't pick and choose the days you actually get sick so.. Bleh.

I was watching Music Max on Foxtel yesterday and realised that I don't see that many video clips these days. Hear the music, sure, that's what radio is for. But actually sit down and watch the videos? I hardly ever do that! But I have made the decision that there is one band whose filmclips are just, well, fucking amazing. And that band is Nickelback.

First there was the older songs like How You Remind Me, Too Bad, etc. They weren't too fabulous. I mean, they were good at the time. And I still adore those songs, the angry ones used to freak me out a wee bit, but they got me addicted to Nickelback. And you know that clip I'm talking about right? The poor guy who kept seeing his girlfriend upset and couldn't figure out why she wasn't talking to him, and all the clues which ended up telling us that he was actually... Well. I won't spoil it JUST in case.

And then came the Someday lyrics and filmclip. I absolutely adore that song, to this day. To me it's one of those songs that you can never skip on an album (or an Ipod), you know? And that filmclip, omg. So clever. I cried like a baby the first time I saw it. And the second. Well. You know.

My next favourite filmclip? Only the most romantically beautifully tear-worthy song around lately. Far Away, yep. How can you resist the lyrics;
That I love you, I have loved you all along. And I miss you - been far away for far too long. I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go. Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore.. Sad sad fireman filmclip. Left me in tears too. I should probably not watch television anymore.

And my most favourite? The song I fell in love with since the first time I heard All The Right Reasons?  None other than Savin' Me. I don't even know why this song hits me so hard every time I hear it. I just can't stop myself from belting out the notes, no matter where I am.
Say it for me, say it to me - And I?ll leave this life behind me. Say it if it?s worth savin' me. -sniffles- AND THE FILMCLIP. Whoever is making these music videos is an absolute genius. I won't describe it, but hopefully the link I've just shoved underneath this text will talk about it more. Let's hope so, anyway.

Edit: I took it out because everytime I loaded my blog, I'd get blasted. Do a google for it yerself. Savin' Me is the best filmclip. Ever.

Hi there. This is your warning that I shall now be venting. Thankyou.

Okay. I am a beginning teacher. I do realise that this is my first year out working with 25 young children five days a week. I do realise that I am subjecting my body to one hell of a lot more germs than I have ever subjected it to in the past. On a daily basis. I realise that. I do. I even realise that I need to let my immune system build up some defenses to these forementioned germs because, you know, 25 kids equals one shitload of germs. That means, yes, I will get sick a lot this year. Fine.

But three fucking flu hits in 1.5 school terms? Bloody hell. This is ridiculous. I wonder if I can claim all this medication on my tax stuff this year. I feel like death. DEATH I TELL YOU. And it only started yesterday, suddenly it's a full blown flu. Gah.

(Yes. I realise how lame this is, me whining about having a cold when my poor momma is in hospital.) I'm a bad, bad daughter. Well, no, I'm not really. But I am awfully whiny when I'm sick.

Speaking of momma news. She is okay. She rang me and sounded great, and fingers crossed she'll be home sometime next week.

So, I have heard from the momma.

She came out of surgery fine, is groggy and sleepy but a-okay. She'll be in hospital until Monday it looks like, and they will probably have to catch the train back home to Sydney instead of flying. But not sure when that'll be.

Don't really care either. I just want her better. Thanks for the (invisible) thoughts.

I need your thoughts and wishes and prayers right now.

Let me explain. My parents have been out of state in Melbourne since Tuesday morning. Dad has business there and mum is staying with a friend that also lives in the suburb, so they both flew down together. They are staying in dad's hotel some nights, and other nights mum was going to go and be staying at her friend's place. All fine and dandy. They rang a few nights to say hi and all that, everything was fine.

Mum rang on Thursday afternoon saying she'd felt awful, she had been just feeling downright queasy, having some pains and some other stuff I won't mention since the internet probably doesn't want to know about that. But anyway. I told her to make sure she went and saw a doctor there if it got worse. She promised she would, and I didn't hear anything from her yesterday.

I got woken up this morning by a phone call to my mobile by dad. Mum was admitted to hospital in Melbourne at about 3am this morning because she was in so much pain. Turns out she has really, REALLY bad gall stones. So bad that they're having a rushed surgery to take out the entire gall bladder. It's happening TODAY. For those of you who know how shocking the Australian health and hospital system is, you'll know that it's insane for a surgery to be carried out that same day.

Needless to say I am panicking and I am so worried. I know it's not major surgery BUT mum has never had surgery before. She is also in a strange hospital in another state where I can't get to her and I feel awful. I know dad is there but, it's not the same.

** I just got a phone call from mum now -- she is very drugged and nauseous because of the meds she is on, and she's having surgery in the next two hours. Omg. **

I know it's not a huge operation but it's surgery and there is always a risk. And I feel so helpless and I don't really know what I can do. Gah.

If you want some info you can click here to find out about gall stones.. and stuff.

Omg. Why has it been so long since I actually ate fresh corn on the cob? -drools-

I was totally going to feed this new corn to my rabbits but nuh-uh. I had a craving and boiled me some corn and now it is a-waiting me to eat it. Mmm. Corn. It smells so good. Mmm.

So I got called in to the Principal's office today, and he sort of told me how I was doing fine and that I was a great teacher and not to let all this shit with L. get me down. He has also told me that ideally he wants me to stay with 1/2S for the rest of the year, so finger's crossed all will go well with that. I really, REALLY, want to stay with my guys. Really!

My new car is amazing. It drives so well, no bumps, no nothing! I filled it up and for under $50 it has given me an estimate of over 500kms to the tank. Which is incredible, since my last car only managed about 350kms for the same amount. Hoorah!!

Once again I am boring so I will make this short. I shall instead leave you with some song lyrics because, you know, I can. This song makes me think of myself some days.. Will I run? Lyrics by The Fray - All At Once


There are certain people you just keep coming back to

She is right in front of you

You begin to wonder could you find a better one

Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find

Where no questions cross your mind

But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt

Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it maybe you need it,

Maybe it's all you're running from,

Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes

We'd never know what's wrong without the pain

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it maybe you need it

Maybe it's all you're running from

Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another

To another

P.S.
Corny teeth! Fweee!

Days off are fun. I wish I could take them off more often.

I was doing some random searching and I've decided how sad I'm going to be when Charmed finishes. It's one of those few tv shows that I actually used to sit down and watch once a week. I usually get bored and wander off, but not with Charmed. I also own up to Season 6 on DVD - can't believe there are only 2 seasons left and that's it. (To buy, I mean - since the last season is already screened in the US)

So, if you like Charmed, check out the new soundtrack. I've got about 5 or 6 songs from it. It's not bad. Click here for a track listing: Charmed - The Final Chapter.

-sniff- I don't want it to finish! Then what the hell am I supposed to buy on DVD?

This entry sucked. But I'm in a sucky mood so suckity-suck-suck. God I hope noone gets referred here by gross Google searches again.

Fucking tears. Goddamnit.

So there was a learning support meeting this afternoon and I ended up losing it and turning into a snivelling wreck in front of oh, only most of the staff at the school today. I was called in to talk about L. who is one of my students who has a severe learning disability BUT nobody can/will diagnose her with anything. Therefore instead of being given support or aide time, she is just expected to fit in with the others kids which she cannot do. She is repeating Year 1. And she can't do much more than write her name.

I talk to the other teachers who tell me they've all been worried about her for years too. They are concerned because she has NO aide time and I cannot spend enough time with her one on one. It's just not possible. So, I get asked to go to this meeting to talk about L. All that ended up happening is me put on the spot and being told that my expectations are too high and hey. Get used to it because you ain't getting no support lady. They then went on to basically explain to the other teachers there that they don't understand why there is a problem anyway and what did I REALLY expect to gain out of having a meeting with her. Turns out there is a mother-teacher-executive meeting next Tuesday with L. and her mum to talk about her. What the fuck am I supposed to say then??

Hi. I am your daughter's teacher. What? Yes, it's my first year out. No, your daughter is not anywhere near the level of the other kids in my class. Yes, she is still having trouble reading a LEVEL 1 book which all of Kindergarten have now passed. Would you like a cookie?

I feel useless. And I feel embarrassed, since I ended up blubbing like a two year old in front of all these people that I respect as teachers who now probably think I'm a fucking idiot. And I'm shit scared for next week. I feel like a failure.

Oh yeah. And I got my new car today. It's sitting in the driveway smelling amazing and stuff. But I can't drive it anywhere because I can't stop my eyes from tearing up and I may cause an accident. Boo-yah.

New car. Tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. Picking up. New car. Omg!

Well, I am rather peeved that *I* don't actually get to pick up the car and drive it home for the first time however at 12pm I shall be doing maths with my kidlets so therefore, by default, my dad gets to pick it up for me. Omg. I signed all my loan paperwork tonight (yay!! debt!!) and I am now paying about $350 a month back. I also got my free insurance which starts as of tomorrow. So hoorah! I just need to sell my car so I can get $2000 for it, and also cancel my current insurance saving me $600 for this year. Yay!

Have I mentioned I'm excited!?!

And since nobody comments here anyway I shall not update you with my school stories today and will wait until tomorrow to do that. Blech. -prances around-

I meant completely idiotic imbecile. Just was a wee typo before.

So the new computer is all set up thanks to a very sick J who still came over and spent hours fixing it up for me. I love that boy. He is so clever and smart. Unlike me.

Who just managed to completely erase almost 4gb of data from her Ipod? That's right! I did! I am such a clever little chicken. I was cranky because my Itunes library had disappeared (seeing as this was a new computer and all) so stupid me went into all the options sections looking quite frankly, for the button that said "Click here to magically make all of your songs reappear from your Ipod into your new library! Yippee!" And um, didn't quite find that but DID find a button that said something about a library, so clicked it and.. managed to erase my Ipod completely. 4gb just GONE. Poof!

Thank god I had transferred all of my music files over from this computer. But I'm mighty peeved at myself for being such a dumbass. And I also didn't think to save all the songs I transferred from audio CDs onto the Ipod. So now I must waste my Sunday doing that because omg, I will not sleep at night if I know I've missed out on songs.

OH and I've also had to go and download all the programmes and shit that I had on my old computer. I have this OpenOffice programme which apparently replaces Office because I seem to have lost that disk too. And I've got most other things I need. Except for some stupid fucking reason, I have some song downloads that I've had for-fucking-ever that are suddenly refusing to load into Itunes. So I went out and downloaded Media Player and wouldn't you know - they load in there and they STILL refuse to load in Itunes. Grr. They happen to be my Sarah Mac and Dishwalla songs that I would actually really like to hear, thankyouverymuch. If you're a computer genius, or hell, just better at this common sense stuff than me, your help would be appreciated.

Ok I think I have rambled enough. Computers will be the death of me.

I just had poem number 9 published on Neopets.com

Hoorah! See! I can write! Even if they are somewhat tacky rhyming poems about imaginary species on a website that I really probably shouldn't be playing anymore since I am -cough- nearly 22. Shutup! I like Neopets. It's a good time-killer. And I'm completely addicted to anything that helps me procrastinate.

Okay, so I don't have anything to update with really. We made Mothers Day cards yesterday in school and my idea was so good, the kindy teacher asked if she could use it. I just found a nice image of a rose tree, found a nice block font and typed in Happy Mothers Day. We did crepe paper balls screwed up and glued onto the flowers in all different colours and coloured in the font and stuck it on some cardboard. Then 1/2S had a discussion about what are some things mothers do. We came up with some cute ones (Brush our hair, take us places, make us food, clean after us (!) and the best one was: Buy us stuff (yeah, like toys!!). So I typed them all up and printed them off for us, to stick inside the cards. Then they wrote their messages. Awww!

I picked up my new computer. I'm having to stop myself from hugging my new monitor. It is in a big shiny box and omg. I can't wait to get it set up. Unfortunately, I have the technical capabilities of a flea, so I must wait for J to come up tonight so he can do all that for me. Probably while I watch TV and ask him annoying questions! Love! We are up to the final Prison Break (awaiting it's release in America anyway) and I CANNOT WAIT OH HOW I LOVE THAT SHOW. And we are also awaiting the last 2 eps of the current 24. Gah! The suspense! It kills me!

Last but not least, you 25 anonymous lurkers suck. I love the fact that I have lurkers (who would've thunk it?) but please.. please! Leave me a comment. Even if it just says "HI! I have purple socks on today!" Comments are love too. Off to stare at new monitor box some more.

I have way too much of a dirty mind to be a teacher some days.

Let me share you with some lyrics I found on our assembly song from this week. We all learn a song once a week which everyone from Kindy to Year 6 sings together on Mondays. Well. Next week the song was called "Louise". Sounds harmless enough. Right!?! Well. Let's see. - clears throat-

Louise, Louise, Come out from under 'dem trees.
Don't give me none of that bunky-bunky,
I wanna hold your trunky-trunky!
I love you so much, I wanna hold you so much,
My Lou-Lou-Louise!

-ends snickering- Yes. I do realise that the song "Louise" is about an elephant. But hearing about her bunky-bunky and wanting to hold her trunky-trunky sounds way too pervy for my liking. Please let me keep a straight face when 250 kids sing it all together on Monday.

New Car? Very soon. New Computer? SATURDAY! -frolics around the room-

Just in time too, because this computer is apparently possessed. It woke me up and scared the shit out of me at about 4am this morning when it turned itself off and then restarted. All by itself. Gah! I'm most looking forward to the computer being speedier, speakers that actually work properly and a 17inch flat screen monitor! Hell yes!

It's really fun at school at the moment. Well, as fun as fun can be when fun involves getting up before 7am each day. But there are prac students out on placement for 3 weeks at the moment and I feel all mature and non-student-like anymore. It makes me laugh though to think all of a sudden I've been magically whacked over the head with the teacher stick. Sometimes I feel like I'm still on display as a student, not as a teacher. Weird. But a few students seem really nice. I want a prac student myself one day. I'd be extra nice to them and give them lots of advice (as much as I could anyway) - and I'd be nothing like the scary people I had myself on pracs.

I'm predicting I'm going to be very, very sick very, very soon. I had three kids in today who were hacking up the grossest coughs I've ever heard, sneezing like mad and feeling downright shit. I asked them why they were here since they looked so miserable, and they had told their parents - who still insisted they come to school. Gah! Granted yes, school is important but seriously. The kids didn't learn today because they were so zoned out, they're going to get another batch of kids sick in turn and THEN I'll get sick too. Bleh. It's much easier to just give them the day off, and get it over with! Cross your fingers with me that it sunk in to parents, and that I'll have a quiet Friday. Gah!

I washed my car in the dark tonight because I'm a freak. That is all.

So my loan got approved. Go me!

I now am awaiting loan paperwork for $15000 and for my $6000 to get transferred into my bank so I can go and organise a bank cheque. -yawn- This is the boring part. I just want the car done already damnit. I had to fill up my itty bitty petrolchugger this afternoon and fuel was so expensive that it cost me near on $50 for my tank. I have never, NEVER payed that amount for petrol in one week. Disgusting. Someone needs to just fix the fucking prices already.

I'm officially going to be poor from now on. So definitely no more thinking about getting a life, since you know - I won't have one. Not that I did already but now, especially not! Crazy!

I'm hoping to organise the new computer tomorrow too. If all goes well, I might be able to pick it up this weekend. But knowing my luck it won't be ready meaning I won't be able to get it until NEXT weekend. Gah. I really want it now. This one stinks. It's cut out from the internet right now as I type and it better fucking well load again by the time I finish typing this. It's so dumb.

I was off class all day today and got to spend most of my time sitting on my butt in front of a computer doing some images for the two special needs kids in my class. My kids got a casual teacher and oh dear, he was very very hopeless. He bought a guitar in with him and that was lovely - and then I found my room in a MESS this afternoon after school and all these colouring in worksheets that had just been done all day. A few worksheets are fine but seriously, he didn't do any of the work that I left for him, he just had them colouring. All. Day. And they were seriously feral too. I walked past a few times and the noise that came out of that room. Geez. They're loud for me, but I certainly hope not that loud!

I thought I had something to say but I can't remember it so I shall stop now.

Oh how I love that smell! It gives me headaches but it is so.. new!

THE CAR WILL BE MINE! When I say the car.. I mean.. the Ford Fiesta I linked to a few posts ago. I would go and get it for you but I am too lazy to go look yourself. Pretty! Wheee! Miiiine! I have a contact sealed in blood (ok, not quite, but omg, contract, signed, I feel so OLD!) I am getting a lovely silver colour and it has air conditioning and it has power sterring and.. and.. um, it drives fun! I took it for a test drive and nearly gave dad whiplash since the brakes are a wee bit touchier than my old shitbox. I mean, lovely car. It's rather hard to say nice things about a car that has cost you more than it's value is over the last few months. -heaves sigh-

Anybody interested in buying a 1991 Toyota Corolla model in good condition (minus one slight.. or slighly large dent in the rear bumper bar) and with low kms? I want to sell it for around $2000. That'll get my loan down faster, that's for sure.

So. I have saved up $6000 on my own. I am calling Ford Credit tomorrow to arrange for a $15000 dollar loan. I am so scared! Big loan! Big money! Big debt! New car! All totally worthwhile. I'm also splurging this week though and buying a new computer. Must organise with Jason to get that ready to pick up. It's just a basic new PC but it comes with a 17inch flat screen. I'm desperately needing it because this computer keeps warning me that it's going to blow up any day now. Besides, I can claim a new computer for tax purposes this year, since teachers use them. Alot.

Who the hell is responsible for turning on the coldness all of a sudden anyway? There was FROST on my windows this morning which I had to hose off. Insane! Speaking of car windows.. did I mention I'm getting a new car? -goes into bouncing fits- A NEW CAR. OMG! I am so fucking excited! Oh dear, I just swore. Drat. I was getting so good at being better.

I'm going to eat dinner now and go to bed. And dream of MY NEW CAR!

It is one of the most disgusting bits about being a teacher.

Aside from the peeing on the floor and stuff. But I'll never, NEVER get used to dealing with kids vomiting. Although today was rather funny. Fwee. Yes, I said funny! Let me explain.

Monday afternoon is assembly time at school, so we all troup into the hall at around 2.30pm or so. Kindergarten sit in front, we sit behind Kindy, then the 3/4 classes and then the 5/6 classes. Anyway. We got through the whole assembly and it's about five minutes to three and everyone starts singing the National Anthem. All is going well until all of a sudden this Kindy kid who was singing beautifully opens his mouth to do the chorus and just pukes across the floor.

I know that's totally gross but it was the funniest thing. Anyone seen Monty Python's Meaning of Life? Imagine projective puke. The poor little guy just looked stunned - one second he was singing, and now where on earth did this puddle on the floor come from?

Vomit is gross. But sometimes, you can't help but laugh. And now I have the strangest urge to go and watch the Monty Python videos again because I'm a mean, mean teacher.

I am feeling a wee bit tired (and possibly hungover? No, not possible, 3 wines and 1 shot does not make one hungover the next day) from last night. I think that Dad had a good party, mum and I were busy for it all afternoon and lots of people came. Had those few wines which I haven't had in an awfully long time, and stayed up until about 2.30am with my auntie and uncle. I love when they stay over. Coincidentally, this auntie is also my godmother AND a primary school teacher, so she's been so good to me this year. Long night.

But I'm feeling a bit mopey really. Everyone has all these stories about their lives that are interesting. They talk about their friends and other relatives and what they do and what they have done. They have so much.. experience. I just wonder sometimes.. what do I have? I know I'm not hard done by and I don't mean for this ramble to imply that. But - I don't feel complete. I don't feel like I'm truly happy right now with what I'm doing and where I am. And I don't know how to change that. Now it's my turn to whine.

I got a text message this morning from a friend of mine (from uni, who I don't see enough). She told me about her friend who got engaged this morning, and she also just graduated with us not two weeks ago. And as for L? She's just moved in with her new boyfriend, who she met in March-April? Two months and they're living together. Two months! I will have been with J for FOUR YEARS in a few months. FOUR YEARS. And sometimes I just feel like, in ten years, we'll still be the same. Seeing eacher other twice a week around work and stuff, and not being really together.

I know. I'm 21 years old, not 40. But I feel 40. And I wanted to have a life where I experienced things young. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to move out. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have kids. Where am I now? I'm a primary school teacher who is still living at home with her parents, who has no money and nothing to show for it and who probably won't end up married for years and years, if ever.

Therefore, because I am a miserable cow today and not feeling cheery, I shall leave you with some lyrics from Keith Urban which left me bawling this morning when I saw it on Country Music Channel. And if anyone ever so much as hints about me watching Country Music Channel, so help me, I will.. um, cry.

Cos I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show,
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self control.
But I'm just drunk enough, to let go of my pain -
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes..
Tonight I wanna cry

The author of this blog would like her readers (ha!) to know that sometimes, in certain weeks of the month, very strange things happen to female hormones and therefore that one should tread lightly and probably disregard this entire blog entry. She would also like to say that if the 25-30+ stalkers that give her page views DO NOT COMMENT SOON, she will also.. well.. cry. That is all. Have a nice day.

Why is it that just when you think you're getting a windfall..

Suddenly you owe money left right and center? I'm getting back $600 from tax last year which is awesome - that will come in handy to pay for the $6000 deposit I want to put on the car in a few weeks. But then suddenly, I have to pay the accounting fees for getting tax back, as well as board money for May and June - oh yeah, and then there is Jason's birthday on the 26th and Mothers Day too. Hoorah! I really do need to stop saying that so much.

We're having a 40th party bbq for my dad tonight, having some of their friends over as well as a couple of relatives and stuff. J. can't come because he's going to the football with his dad. =/ Sucks. But I guess that means my day of relaxing and doing uni stuff is gone, because my parents will soon turn possessed with house cleaning and cooking. And they'll drag me into it too.

I think I might spend this lovely day outside. I want to trim Gage's nails (He's my cockatoo, for those who don't know who Gage is) and I want to give the rabbits cage another scrubbing and have them out on the grass for a little while. Time for them to get out more. They love grass, the little piggies.

My gripe for today is idiot drivers. I am sick to death of watching fucking idiots be allowed to drive on the road. Makes me paranoid even driving my old bomb of a car - let alone if I get this new car. I'll be so scared to drive it that I'll never go anywhere. But I DID get to go 110kms/hour down the freeway for the first time yesterday and ohdearymethatwasfun.

I may possibly be scarred for life after seeing this,

Or at least, I've pulled a few muscles from laughing so hard. If you're brave, click the link.

Hooked on a Feeling

*goes back to laughing hysterically* I'm off to J's place. -snickers-

Jellyfish and Spiders and Snakes.. Oh My!

We had Deadly Australians - the show, at school today. The kids got to look at poisonous snakes and spiders and stuff, and pat a python and lizard and turtle. It was great fun. Sadly, it was also in the morning - meaning that my kids were completely and utterly off the walls for the rest of the day. Possibly the grossest thing was seeing this massive (thankfully dead and propped up in glass) Funnelweb Spider, and finding out it's Australia's deadliest spider, and oh yes, it's most commonly found in the Blue Mountains and Western Sydney. Hoorah! I'm not paranoid or anything - it's perfectly natural to shake out your bed covers before sleeping. -shudder-

But on a lighter note - Thank God It's Friday!! Week 1 down, only 8 more weeks to go. And a long weekend of planning. Meaning I'll be glued in front of the computer no doubt, for hours. I thought Dad and I were going to go see the car dealership again today but he has his work mobile phone permanently attached to his face, so it doesn't look like it. Boo. =/ I want an Oompa Loompa NOW.

And now I must go and keep this entry short as I want to find out if I'm to see J. tonight. I misses him.

50 5, 6 and 7 year olds. Two teachers. One whistle. Chaos!!

1/2S and 1/2O started their Fitness programme this afternoon. We're going to have a full hour of fitness every Thursday now that the weather has cooled down, so we thought we would start today. We got them all ready, hats, suncream, the works, made the trek from the classrooms to the school oval and got them stretching. Then, we got them to run around the oval, fully around the goalposts. Well.. just imagine dozens of little children frolicing across the oval madly. There were hats flying everywhere, water bottles dropped, squeals and screams and the occasional collision. It was rather amusing to watch, seeing those little legs bolting across the field. We then had the "princesses" - a group of rather spoiled little cherubs who prefer playing with dolls than doing fitness - stage a mass headache epidemic, leaving us with six little darlings sitting in a row having a lovely chat while the rest of us kept on going. Then we did relays and skipping and it was all good fun. Madness, yes, but fun madness. I can't wait until next Thursday. And someone, please, PLEASE for the love of all things peaceful, remind me to bring my whistle!

I'm known around school for always tying my hair back. I get hot easy and it frustrates me having my hair hanging around my face. I actually wore it out today and the kids were like... Wow! It's long! (It's not really, not compared to what it was a while ago, but I guess past your shoulders is long to the kiddies?) But it didn't last long, since after the fitness and the lunchtime oval duty, it went back up in a bun. Tomorrow I'm determined to try and wear it out all day long!

It was dad's 40th yesterday. Can you believe my dad is only 40? That's what happens when you have your first baby at 18. He was only a baby himself. He was away in QLD for his birthday, so we're having a 40th birthday party for him on Saturday night. I haven't got him a present yet because I have no idea what to get him! If only I could afford to buy him another Mustang..

I watched Legend last night as mum borrowed that DVD from a friend. It's amazing because I remember that movie so well from my childhood, but it was made when I was only 1 year old. And that was before Tom Cruise got all possessed and psychotic too. Damn I love unicorns.

Once again it's nearly dinner time and I have yet to do anything since I've been home. Must go check mail box. No idea why, because I'm not expecting anything. But mum ordered a whole batch of ER boxsets (I think Seasons 1-5) so they should be coming soon. Hoorah! I'm still only at Season 2 of Dawsons Creek myself. I'm almost up to Season 3 though. -yawn- I always thought Jack was gay. Perhaps my memory is failing me. Don't anyone spoil my watching or I shall come after you with a very sharp spoon.

I am completely and utterly knackered.

I did get a lot done today however, so that sort of makes feeling like a drained sack of potatoes okay. I managed to stay back and paint two lots of book covers that the kiddies had made, and they're now out to dry until tomorrow morning. I also covered one other set of books with standard school print cover, so they are done. Spelling books? Check! Workbooks? Check! Maths Books? Ready but not covered. C.O.G.S Books? Ready but not covered. All I can say, is thank heavens that the Handwriting books don't need covering. My back is killing me from all the bending.

I also stayed back after school and organised the kids trays. Because it's a nightmare trying to tell them too many things at once (their brains go into overload and they end up doing nothing!) I decided I'd clean out their trays myself. I found all sorts of lovely things in their trays. Basically, all that should be there are all of their workbooks, pencil cases and spare stencils. I found old food (not too gross, thankfully), bark, leaves, five billion of my missing pencils and even a few toys. Amazing! So, cleaned all those out, put their shiny new books into the trays and felt very proud of myself. I even managed to mark the kids work from yesterday and today, so I'm ahead, even if it is just for today.

My tantrum thrower D. has been rather angelic over the first two days. I'm not complaining, I just hope that doesn't mean he's stashing up all his days for one hell of a tantrum. When he goes off, he really goes off. I'm talking screaming, bawling, kicking, throwing himself on the floor. Two days of Term 2 without that is the most amazing feeling. I even stayed back yesterday after school and got an Individual Education Programme ready for D. He's special because of his behavioural problems and gets an Aide one hour a day. I wish it were longer. So he's now got a list of things to do this term.

I wish I were so organised about my programming. I'm going to have to spend this weekend putting everything together because I just feel too wiped out to do anything of a nighttime. I am sure I will get back into the routine soon, but it has hit me pretty hard already. Soon. Soon! But hey, as of next Monday, there are only 8 weeks to go until I get another 2 week holiday. How exciting is that! Not that I'm counting down or anything..

Did have some interesting news though. I had a little girl in my class last term who stole some of my things. A stamp, a bell, and a plush toy. She brought them all back, and my supervisor talked to her parents and stuff. Some of those things I knew were missing but I never would have suspected J. because she is a great student, very quiet, and I really couldn't believe it was her. The last thing to go missing was the plush toy. It was around Easter time, so I kept a stuffed rabbit on my desk. I am such a scatterbrain that I didn't even realise it was missing, until one morning J. gave me a note she had written, apologising and saying "I am so sorry, I borrowed your bunny". Borrowed! Ha! Anyway, I talked to her and she had it in her bag and gave it back and all, but we still had to talk to her parents. I found out yesterday that J. has now changed her story to her father, who thinks that I GAVE her the toy and decided to pick on her to get her into trouble. Lordy. Luckily, I told the other teachers (it's only a small school, gossip spreads) everything that had happened around the time, so there is no doubt J. is lying, but it's a bit sad. Her parents scare me.

I must now go and unpack groceries. I'll have to hobble up and down the stairs, I'm so tired.

Don't have a Broken Heart, Miss. You are beautiful. Love, H.

Is that the cutest note ever or what? I have no idea where the broken hearted part came from, maybe I just looked miserable or something. I tell you what, I have the kids for not even a full day (had an hour RFF relief time) and I'm bloody exhausted! And tomorrow is only Wednesday, boo. But I suppose it's one day down.. and ___ to go. I'm too lazy to work out exactly what the figure is.

Beginning Term 2 saw about half of my class come back with hair cuts. We have shaved heads, cropped heads, shaggy cuts, even a rats tail (gasp). But the prize comes to dear L. whose mother decided to cut her hair herself. Er, it's short at the back, and straggly at the front. For a ilttle girl, not a good look. But L. is very off with the fairies, so I doubt she even notices that it is not even. Remind me when I have children to never, not ever, for one teeny second, think that I can cut their hair myself. I don't care how expensive hair cuts will be, I'm paying! I'm already being a good mother to my unborn children, how scary.

I was very ambitious and made the trek to the book storeroom to get the kids exercise books all ready for this term. I found a whole stack, which is good. Now comes the dreaded task of covering all of them. Anyone got any QUICK and EASY ideas for book covers? I provide the A3 paper, the kids usually do the rest so it's a bit personal. Today we drew "school" things on our paper and we're going to paint over the background tomorrow. Last term we did our name, over and over again and painted over. I'm running out of creative ideas that don't involve too much mess or effort. Help!

It's 7.30pm, and I'm absolutely starving. Mum, dad and I spent the whole afternoon sitting in a car sales shop. My dad is buying a brand new car, which happens to smell very, very nice. We thought it was just to look at the car and maybe test drive it, but ended up sitting in the Ford Lounge while dad signed the paperwork in his blood, or so it seemed. Mum and I were rather impressed by the fact that there was a free coffee/hot chocolate machine that made damn good drinks, so we sat there watching television for a good hour. Good times! The car dad is buying is a Ford High Performance Vehicle. Meaning, it's a flash car with flash things inside it for a flash price. I nearly died. It drives great though and has very pretty seats that are sort of glittery. Not that that's why my dad would buy it, but yes. Anyway, it's not that tacky green colour. Dad has bought a black one with gold stripes. It's rather classy!

And then to the special news! I am very close to purchasing my first new car! Brand new! Complete with warranty, air conditioning and NEW CAR SMELL! The car I like is called a Ford Fiesta. You can see the colours there, I like the Tonic Dark Silver. Fweee! I can most likely get a loan for what I need and pay off the rest, so I'm really REALLY excited. I'm comparing two loan prices and rates tomorrow afternoon, and probably going back down on Friday afternoon with dad to take the car for a test drive and talk figures and stuff. I am nearly hyperventilating just reading about it. New car smell!

So because it's late and I'm hyper, I'm not really doing any work for school tomorrow. I'm a horribly unprepared teacher. But I'm also going to hopefully soon be a proud-owner-of-a-shiny-new-car teacher!

Planning? Zilch. Stressing? Zilch. Stupid nerves coming back? Hell, yes.

Term 2 began with a bang! Ha. Not. It was a day spent in meetings. Meetings after meetings. We were given a nifty free USB device though, which was nice. I don't think we get to keep it though sadly, it's just for assessment purposes. I officially hate using Mac computers too. Give me a PC anyday. My Mac decided that it would be nice to ignore every command that I gave it, even though every other computer in the lab worked for every other person. Fabulous! I like my Ipod, but that's about it.

Don't ask my why my nerves have come back. It's so silly! I already know my cherubs, I know the cheeky ones, the lovely ones, the quiet ones and the terrors. They know me. But it's a new term, and it may be my last one here since my end date is June 30th. I'm determined to at least go out with a flair, meaning.. I need to kick ass with my teaching this time around. No more nerves. No more not lining up properly. Tomorrow, when my dear kidlets return, I'm not messing around. We're going to do some damn good learning thankyouverymuch. Um, and no, I haven't done my planning yet because of the staff meeting overload. So, tomorrow we shall kick butt without any preparation whatsoever. Hoorah!

So, while the next chapter of my teaching starts, I can't wait to have some more anecdotes and stories to write down in here. The things my class says/does. Man! They are exhausting but great. I need to write that down now so that in a few days when I'm tearing my hair out already, I can read back and remember that. Besides, I absolutely adore the notes they send me. They're lovely!

I am also proud to announce that I drove for the first time on my full licence today, just because I can. Did I mention that it's a GOLD one? I am so proud! Now to get some brand spanking new wheels to drive around without P-Plates. Anyone want to loan me $15,000?

I love those lyrics that I just cannot get out of my head.

For some reason, this song just sticks to me. And I'm finding I that while I don't exactly relate to it exactly as it is, some parts of it hit close to home. And I recommend that you go and find a copy of the song, it's very interesting - even just the way he sings it. I thank Kiri for pushing me in that direction.

No more updates for now, because I have school starting tomorrow (Oh, the horror of having nothing prepared!) and because we have borrowed Legend on DVD. I am going to watch that in bed, and marvel at how appealing Tom Cruise was before he got psychotically challenged. I shall instead, leave you with said lyrics, and I hope you enjoy.

Flawed Design - Stabilo

When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self-control

If I was tempted I would run
Then, when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted
When I wanted it
- And I wanted it

Now, I'm having trouble differentiating between what I want
And what I need to make me happy
So instead of thinking I just stop before I have the chance
To contemplate the consequences of action

And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head

'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time

Yeah, I lie

And I don't even know it

Maybe this is all a part
Of my flawed design

And ever since I figured out that I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping with both eyes closed
And if I asked permission, if I make sure it's ok
I promise I won't slip up this time, you can trust me
But never take advice from someone who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason
And I would ask that you never ask a question
That I cannot ask myself for it might dirty up your conscience

'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time

Yeah, I lie

And I don't even know it

Maybe this is all a part
Of my flawed design

And how can you say those things
Why can't you just believe?
And how can you say those things and keep a straight face?
And how can you say those things
Why can't you just believe?
And how can you say those things and keep a straight face?

And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head

'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time

Yeah, I lie

And I don't even know it

Maybe this is all a part
Of my flawed design

And if I could control it, maybe I could leave it all behind..

I wonder what my own flawed design is. I could write several albums-worth of songs on that, no doubt.