Fucking tears. Goddamnit.

So there was a learning support meeting this afternoon and I ended up losing it and turning into a snivelling wreck in front of oh, only most of the staff at the school today. I was called in to talk about L. who is one of my students who has a severe learning disability BUT nobody can/will diagnose her with anything. Therefore instead of being given support or aide time, she is just expected to fit in with the others kids which she cannot do. She is repeating Year 1. And she can't do much more than write her name.

I talk to the other teachers who tell me they've all been worried about her for years too. They are concerned because she has NO aide time and I cannot spend enough time with her one on one. It's just not possible. So, I get asked to go to this meeting to talk about L. All that ended up happening is me put on the spot and being told that my expectations are too high and hey. Get used to it because you ain't getting no support lady. They then went on to basically explain to the other teachers there that they don't understand why there is a problem anyway and what did I REALLY expect to gain out of having a meeting with her. Turns out there is a mother-teacher-executive meeting next Tuesday with L. and her mum to talk about her. What the fuck am I supposed to say then??

Hi. I am your daughter's teacher. What? Yes, it's my first year out. No, your daughter is not anywhere near the level of the other kids in my class. Yes, she is still having trouble reading a LEVEL 1 book which all of Kindergarten have now passed. Would you like a cookie?

I feel useless. And I feel embarrassed, since I ended up blubbing like a two year old in front of all these people that I respect as teachers who now probably think I'm a fucking idiot. And I'm shit scared for next week. I feel like a failure.

Oh yeah. And I got my new car today. It's sitting in the driveway smelling amazing and stuff. But I can't drive it anywhere because I can't stop my eyes from tearing up and I may cause an accident. Boo-yah.