I am feeling a wee bit tired (and possibly hungover? No, not possible, 3 wines and 1 shot does not make one hungover the next day) from last night. I think that Dad had a good party, mum and I were busy for it all afternoon and lots of people came. Had those few wines which I haven't had in an awfully long time, and stayed up until about 2.30am with my auntie and uncle. I love when they stay over. Coincidentally, this auntie is also my godmother AND a primary school teacher, so she's been so good to me this year. Long night.
But I'm feeling a bit mopey really. Everyone has all these stories about their lives that are interesting. They talk about their friends and other relatives and what they do and what they have done. They have so much.. experience. I just wonder sometimes.. what do I have? I know I'm not hard done by and I don't mean for this ramble to imply that. But - I don't feel complete. I don't feel like I'm truly happy right now with what I'm doing and where I am. And I don't know how to change that. Now it's my turn to whine.
I got a text message this morning from a friend of mine (from uni, who I don't see enough). She told me about her friend who got engaged this morning, and she also just graduated with us not two weeks ago. And as for L? She's just moved in with her new boyfriend, who she met in March-April? Two months and they're living together. Two months! I will have been with J for FOUR YEARS in a few months. FOUR YEARS. And sometimes I just feel like, in ten years, we'll still be the same. Seeing eacher other twice a week around work and stuff, and not being really together.
I know. I'm 21 years old, not 40. But I feel 40. And I wanted to have a life where I experienced things young. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to move out. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have kids. Where am I now? I'm a primary school teacher who is still living at home with her parents, who has no money and nothing to show for it and who probably won't end up married for years and years, if ever.
Therefore, because I am a miserable cow today and not feeling cheery, I shall leave you with some lyrics from Keith Urban which left me bawling this morning when I saw it on Country Music Channel. And if anyone ever so much as hints about me watching Country Music Channel, so help me, I will.. um, cry.
Cos I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show,
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self control.
But I'm just drunk enough, to let go of my pain -
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes..
Tonight I wanna cry
The author of this blog would like her readers (ha!) to know that sometimes, in certain weeks of the month, very strange things happen to female hormones and therefore that one should tread lightly and probably disregard this entire blog entry. She would also like to say that if the 25-30+ stalkers that give her page views DO NOT COMMENT SOON, she will also.. well.. cry. That is all. Have a nice day.
hey Alynda, it's Hana... remember me? :) well i just thought you would like to know that i started reading your blog, how interesting!! ok the reason for this comment is to tell you i had a reeeeaaaally strange dream about you!! nothing kinky ;) just... well strange! lemme know if you're intrigued
ReplyDelete-Hana-
p.s. you are a writer! you've just managed to keep me entertained :)
Tell me, tell me, tell me! ;)
ReplyDeleteWelllll... i can't remember it really clearly but from what i do recall it was something like you were returning ALL this stuff that i had left at your place right? but what was strange was that you had placed it all in my car, seriously my car was PACKED with all this junk that you had placed in there. i just came home and saw it all in there... you couldn't see through the windows there was so much stuff in there. so i open my driver's side door and there's all this money in there that you had returned to me also. it was just lying all over the floor of the car in $50 notes. As soon as i open the door the wind comes in and startes to play around with the money and it just starts swirling around and around the floor.... soooo strange!! but everything in there was from you, but it was mine, make sense? omg. i have strange dreams!
ReplyDeletedo you know anyone who knows how to interpret dreams? :p
Haha that's bizarre! No, I don't know anyone, but I am totally in the mood to go see a psychic. =P Maybe it means you have a windfall coming in.. except not from me because I am a poor, overworked primary school teacher. Mwahaha.
ReplyDelete