Feeling Lonely

I figured today that since I am not seeing J, that I would dedicate a post to him. Just because.

I don't think he even reads this blog - but it's more for me than for him, anyway. Today will be all about him, because he is sick this weekend and I haven't been able to see him since last week. Gah. I told you I was lonely!

J. and I met in 2002, and not in the place most people would think of. For certain reasons, when people I don't know ask how we met I usually just respond with oh - at a party, you know. Actually, it was fate. Or so I like to think, anyway.

My favourite band of 2001, was a band called Lifehouse. You might know of them. They are still around now, minus a member, adding on a new member, three albums later. I heard Hanging By A Moment and fell instantly in love, because that's what I wanted to feel right then. Back then I was with someone that I didn't really want to be with - and I wasn't feeling that way towards them. That song just stuck to me. Wouldn't you fall in love?

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete...
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I soon bought the album (No Name Face) and fell in love with all of the songs, especially Everything. To this day, that song is one of my ultimate favourites and never fails to give me chills. I did an internet search, and found that they had a message board. It does not exist anymore, however the site still does. That message board changed my life.

I met J. through there. Lifehouse was a very American band. I found out I was one of only a small group of Australians who had heard of the band (they never did get very big here) - and we started an "Aussie Thread". I met some absolutely amazing people on those boards, including Jen, who is one of my closest friends. I won't mention everyone because I would be here for days, so suffice it to say that even now, years after that board was closed down, I still keep in touch with many.

I had a bit of a crush on J, just through talking to him on the board. I knew he was Australian, but I never asked for any details on whereabouts he was from, because that just seemed to cross an invisible line for me. But he was polite, he loved the same band I loved, and we ended up emailing and talking through MSN. I remember having my 18th birthday party, and wishing he could be there, even though we had never met and that seemed a trifle strange. Turned out he only lived 30 minutes away, too. What are the odds?

Turns out that J sort of felt the same way, believe it or not. He swears that he invited me to meet up once, and I just sort of ignored him and changed the subject, so he didn't bother asking again. I swear that I don't remember that! Whatever the case, we had began text messaging via phone by then, and one afternoon in September, I was sitting in this dreadfully boring tutorial about philosophy, and I text messaged him asking would he like to come see a movie with me tonight? I sat there having heart palpitations wondering what I had done, when I got his reply - Sure. I'll call you.

He did, we met up, had dinner, saw a movie (XXX - worst first date movie ever, haha!) and it ended well. He was absolutely gorgeous (I'd never even seen a picture of him before!) and very quiet and gentlemanly. That was on a Tuesday night, and we had arranged a second meet-up on Saturday. He kissed me that night, and we've been together since.

In a few months, it will mark our 4th year anniversary. I still cannot believe that we were brought together by something as random as a band messageboard - of all the gin joints in all the world, isn't that what Humphrey says? I don't know. To me, it was fate. He's the person who knows all my weaknesses, but he knows my strengths too. He irritates me to no end, but is also the sweetest person I've met. He's just - himself. And I love that.

We have done so much together. We travelled to Europe in January of 2004, and I got to experience all of these wonderful new things with someone I had never dreamed of. I'd love to do that all over again, one day, if all goes well. Those memories are priceless.

We don't see each other as much as I'd like, despite our short distance apart. Because of work, seeing each other in the week is rare (especially since on little sleep and busy teaching, I tend to get cranky). Most of our time together is spent on weekends, where we can enjoy each other's company. We are similar in the way that we don't have big social lives, neither of us enjoy being the centre of attention. I can't speak for J of course, but I am content with that. We have our differences, and our expectations - sure. But they are something that every couple has, and I hope ours will make us stronger.

I do have wishes for us, like most females do. I won't go into them here because they are probably rather obvious, and I'm sure if you think hard enough you would figure them out. But let me just say that if there is someone I think is capable for putting up with me day in, and day out, I think I'd know who it would be. Who knows what will happen in the future? No-one can predict that. But I can hope that we will both be happy, and in love, and I can hope that we will stay together. I'd love to keep on sharing things with him.

And so - I finish this entry feeling a bit emotional. Emotional because I miss being in J's company this weekend, emotional because this has made me remember some of the little things that remind me why I love him so much. And emotional because I am so damn lucky to have met someone who still makes me feel that way at all! Get well soon, babe.