Happy Halloween!

If you are American, anyway. If you are Australian and you celebrate Halloween, bah humbug to you. And your pesky little children, too. If you are American, you will probably think I am a mean bitch after reading this post. Sorry about that.

I cannot stand it when people here (here being Sydney) use the Halloween excuse as a means to run around ringing doorbells for hours on end (CONSTANTLY too, geez, fuck off!) and demanding lollies.

I mean, excuse me? Do you SEE any pumpkins around here? Any autumn leaves falling off trees? Any spooky decorations? No? Excellent. Go away now.

Perhaps I should put some handy pointers down about this subject. So you can see what a grouch I actually am about it all.

• You only need to ring the damn doorbell once, assholes


• You should not be roaming the streets BY YOURSELF when you are all of six years old. Where the hell are your parents? Hello, child molestors?


• We don't celebrate this holiday and the fact that you aren't even dressed up? You are not worth the effort of going downstairs.


• If there were any lollies or candy in this house I would have eaten it already, so I wouldn't give it to some snotty little brat that I just saw stomping through the garden to get to the damn door anyway.

So while I gleefully ignore the constantly ringing doorbell and restrain myself from hanging a rude note on the front door, let me leave you with this nice video.

P.S. I still want me some candycorn.