My brand new gym pants (stretchy capri sort of pants, very daggy, very gym-ish) have just kindly informed me that I have been walking around with not one, but two rather large holes in the nether-regions.

Might I just add that these are pants which I purchased only LAST WEEK?

Let's pretend that I bought them from a very high class sporting goods store, and not a very cheap junk-style shop, where they only cost me $10. Because that is so not the point. Holes! And I've worn these pants maybe twice in the past week, washed once.

I am now sort of panicking.

Were these holes visible as I was doing my weights? And my jogging? Or even walking to my car and back?

Oh God. I just realised I did stretches after my workout today.

Stretches with my ass sticking out in the air.

And I thought I looked so fabulously sporty because wow! I can stretch! Look at me stretching! My gym body must be in here somewhere!

Apparently, all I looked like was a red-faced, sweaty baboon with a HOLE in her crotch.

No wonder people smiled at me today.