Doctor Google.

It has become a slightly morbid habit of mine to search for understanding of all things medical, particularly since in the last year I've been whacked with about five different strains of common colds, one chest infection, one kidney infection (damn you, UTI!) and God knows what else I've forgotten since then. (Read: Scatterbrained.)

Nothing wrong with wanting to know what's wrong with you, right?

Having said that though, I really can't stand my doctors surgery. It's a local practice, meaning it's completely full of patients that have gone there since it opened; Even I've gone there since I moved to this suburb, when I was oh? Three years old? The only reason I stay there and don't move to another surgery is because a) I love my lady doctor, who has been "my" doctor since.. well, just read up a sentence or two. And b) Because all of the other doctors around my area scare the crap out of me and just aren't the same. Oh, and c) My doctors surgery is like, 2 minutes down the road by car. That's always handy.

Why do I dislike my GP's office so much? (Wow, writing that reminds me of playing Theme Hospital. Just more evidence of me being the world's largest dork.) Because no matter what time you put your card out, you turn up on time and you STILL have to wait up to an hour. Alternatively, the one time you turn up late, you've missed your appointment and have your card moved to the side, forcing you to wait. Fabulous.

They also make me feel like an idiot; No doubt the receptionists are whispering into their computers when I walk in - "Hey look, there's that girl who's been in for FOUR head colds this year! Haha! What a dork!" (Yes, the world revolves around me, why shouldn't it? Hee.) AND AND AND lastly? Every illness I've had, I've been told to treat with Panadol. PANADOL! No shit! Stuffy nose? Panadol! Can't breathe? Panadol! Chest infection? Panadol! BROKEN LEG WITH BONES PEEKING OUT? Well, you get the gist of things. (Not too sure about the last one, though.) Er, I can self-prescribe myself Panadol, thankyouverymuch. And that would have saved an hour of my life in a waiting room for a five minute doctor visit. Perhaps I should have gone into medicine. I could cope with sitting in an office most of the day, prescribing painkillers. No problem.

(All dramatics aside, I should mention that I've come out of all my illnesses relatively unscathed so far, so they haven't been neglecting me; but what happens if the common cold they label me with is actually something more? Panadol won't fix THAT, baby.)

So what is one to do when they fall ill yet again, and can't bear to go to the doctors for all the afore mentioned reasons? There's only one place to visit.

DR. GOOGLE!

It's a shining beacon in the darkness to all hypochondriacs truth-seekers out there, and is one heck of a lot faster than waiting in the surgery queue.

So, I'm turning to my trusty Dr. Google to diagnose me this time around. Let's see. Must start with the symptoms. They include;

• Swollen glands


• Hurts to move neck


• Sore and red throat


• Puffy eyes


• Heavy feeling in chest


• NO: runny nose, blocked nose, yucky mucus, sneezes.

If I'm feeling lucky, this is the direction I'm pointed in. Er. Dr. Google? Pet-Fix? Oh, silly me, I forgot to include the fact that I am a HUMAN BEING in my symptoms. My bad. Let's try again, shall we?

Ahem. I am a female human being with symptoms including;

• Swollen glands


• Hurts to move neck


• Sore and red throat


• Puffy eyes


• Heavy feeling in chest


• NO: runny nose, blocked nose, yucky mucus, sneezes.

Should I be worried that after reminding Dr. Google that he specialises in human medicine only, that the number one response still leads me to Pet-Fix? Oh dear. Let's try the next one down. Wow! I'm led to a BLOG! A real life BLOG! Which is lovely and all, and I do feel badly that she has had tonsellitis in the past, but where's MY diagnosis? Eep! Next, I'm led to a message board - handy once again, but it's not helping me.

Sigh. I'm feeling a little let down, Dr. Google. Why have you forsaken me? Ha! Now I am led to this site. It says that I have either; strep throat, a common cold, a bacterial throat infection, a viral infection, or glandular fever aka mono. The treatment for all of those? PANADOL Actually, most of them don't have a specific cure. But, But, I need to go to work tomorrow!

Lucky I have booked a doctors appointment in about half an hour, eh? I will report back once I am home to report the diagnosis - ten bucks is betting I have a common cold and to take, well, you should know what. Bah. Update to come.

UPDATE:

After setting a new record for the longest time I've sat in a waiting room reading trashy women's magazines and watching mid-day television (1.5 hours! Oh my!) the verdict is in.

And it does not involve Panadol! Hooray!

I have a chest infection, and basically some sort of virus - I should be coughing my lungs up apparently, but that hasn't set in yet, meaning that'll come soon. Excellent. I'm also contagious enough to be covered from work for today and tomorrow. And I have antibiotics. Yes. No glandular fever, go me. BOO.

UPDATE #2:

I forgot to mention my dear friend Kirby has come down with something too; and we have just discovered that it must be the same thing - our totally random doctors have prescribed us with the exact same antibiotic!

We've caught a goth disease from the concert! Oh Noes!