You'll be pleased to know that other than some random moments when I lose the ability to speak, I have (almost) officially kicked the evil chest infection and virus of doom. It's lovely to be able to turn my head again without being in pain, and breathing with my airways open is always positive!

I'm pleased to present a couple of random (and some disturbing) Google searches that brought visitors to my little spot on the internet over the past few days. Once again, I'm not sure how useful this blog was to the searchers, but it's certainly nice to see some new faces around here. If I was getting as many comments as I got page views, I'd be up there with the A-Listers in no time!

(It's incredible the amount of people I still get visiting here who are searching for "Black Fingernails, Red Wine" Eskimo Joe lyrics. Incredible!)

Onwards with the searches we go!

Aly;

Now this one isn't so unusual. I'd like to think that people who have somehow linked to this blog before, forgot what the actual address was and so went looking for me that way. Makes me feel quite special, actually. I'd like to think I'm one of the only "Aly" out here in blog-world. ! I think I totally need a logo and slogan. Angela, you're a graphics genius, can you help me out here?

Pretty toes with rings;

You guys and your foot fetishes. I mean, I haven't posted about shoes since DECEMBER! It's nearly March! Get with the times. Alright, I do own ONE toe ring which I really love. You can see it here and here.

Bad Report Cards;

Uh-oh. That's no good. What do you mean by bad, though? As in, your CHILD got a bad report card recently? Or perhaps you got one when you were a child? My thoughts are with you. And just for the record, none of the report cards I wrote for my students were "bad", they always tried to stay focused on the positives. (Although some were definitely more positive than others!)

You just want to say to that teacher, 'Throw some D's on that, bitch!';

Don't even ask me what the heck that means, because I'm as clueless as you are. I also may or may not be huddled under a blanket in terror.

Fishnets + Stalking;

Alright, so I may have proclaimed to be a wonderful blog stalker; but I never EVER wear fishnets on the job. Much too contricting, if you ask me.

What happens when you pop an eye sty?;

Ouch. I sympathise with this one. Since I've been wearing contact lenses for years and years, I've been rewarded with plenty of these buggers. Most of them disappear on their own, some need creams to help them disappear, some refuse to budge and need to be cut away. I've had that done, not nice, but I got to wear a funky piratey eye patch for a couple of days afterwards. Yarrrr. But back to the question; if one pops, you just need to make sure it doesn't get infected, keep it clean and covered up. I would never go and pop one for the sake of it, but once I had a full blown sty that popped when I let out a ginormous sneeze. Not pretty.

Demitri Martin live;

I am absolutely NOT running to Google right now to search who this guy is. No way. Of course, I already knew that Demitri Martin is an American comedian. (Snort.) Can't say I've ever seen him live though OR ever mentioned him in a blog post, but now I have. Hooray!

Louise the Elephant;

The most humourous kids song around. Too funny. You should click here to read the lyrics, if you've forgotten them already. Don't give me none of that bunky bunky!

Lala Sweet Red Wine;

Are we talking about the same Lala? The one I'm annoyed I didn't get to stalk on Friday night, but who I am planning on stalking next weekend instead? I do hope there is sweet red wine involved; or perhaps any alcoholic beverages will do.

Crazy excuses fo not taking a test drive of a Ford Fiesta;

Er. Why does one need an excuse NOT to take a test drive? If you don't want to test drive a car, then don't? And what exactly is wrong with the Ford Fiesta? 'll have you know that my Fiesta is DEAD SEXY and I love, love, love it. Your loss, test driving freak.

Crimpy Hairstyles;

Look, I've been to ONE 80's party, alright? And yes, I do own a crimper and plan to use it again one day in the future, but that does not make me an expert. But just because I'm in a good mood, I'll link you to a picture of me with crimpage. Prepare your eyes: it burns!!

Dirty Barefoot Spanking;

I knew there would HAVE to be a feral search in here somewhere. I do believe that I've only ever used the word "spanking" in two posts; this one and this one. And neither of those mentioned being dirty and barefoot; they were talking about my brand SPANKING new car.

Getting Sick Notes;

Hrm; To me, there are two kinds of sick notes. The ones that you have written for you by your doctor, aka medical certificates when you're sick OR the notes that the kidlets are supposed to bring to school if they've had some days off sick. Actually. There are three; When people send you sick notes? As in sick, disgusting? No idea. Please get back to me on this one, I've never actually recieved any sick notes - I've been lucky to mainly receieve shoe gifts in the mail myself.

Chest Infection, Should I go to School?;

If you ask either Dr. Google or my doctor, the answer is NO.

Oompa Loompa Doompity Doo Lyrics;

Oh, oh, I love this song! I've got another puzzle for you.. I can't be bothered typing up the lyrics, but I'll tell you what - if you go in this direction, you might be rewarded.

I am pooped! Maybe every Sunday I should make a list of my Googleages for the past week. Could be fun!