Fellow readers, I am in dire need of your interpretive skills at this hour, in order to decipher the really bloody weird puzzling dreams I had last night. Forgive me if they seem to jump all over the place, it's just that, well, they jumped all over the place.

If you're up for a challenge, read on and feel free to jump on in.

Dream #1:
I was walking through an unknown shopping centre, one that was completely foreign to me. I have a feeling it was in a different country, but couldn't tell you more than that. After running into some contestants from the recent series of Australia's Biggest Loser (Hi P'eta! Hi Damien!) I headed into the lower level by escalator and ended up in a mall of some sorts. All of a sudden I was surrounded by people with clipboards, all asking me for the opinions on the shopping complex, did I like it, why, why not, had it changed since I had been there last? That part of the dream ended up with me running away.

My Interpretation:
I have no idea. But it was nice to see some familiar faces there, even if they were only pseudo-celebrities who don't know who I am.

Dream #2:
I was having a massage performed on me, and I remember it clearly being an arms, shoulders and back massage only. The lady told me to lie down on the bed, which was actually a really skinny ironing board. She then informed me that in order for the massage to be done correctly, I needed to be lying as flat as I could get, and not to move a muscle. After I had flattened myself out on the ironing board (!) she then asked me take my shirt off and lie on a towel, yelling at me all the while as I "unflattened" myself. Once I was flat on the board again, she made me do these arm exercises; raising them up, shoving them out the side, pushing them down, think cheerleading type actions. Then I needed to put my chin to my chest and push down with my arms, resulting in my body flipping through the air.

My Interpretation:
An ironing board that can hold my weight without collapsing? A genius idea! Don't ask me what the whole stretching and flattening business means, but a massage really does sound good right about now.

Dream #3:
Jason and I were in my backyard, not really doing much of anything that I can recall. He suddenly dropped to one knee, and when I realised what he was about to do, I exclaimed something along the lines of "Oh no! You're not really doing what I think you're doing, are you?" He then placed a ring on my finger and asked me to marry him, to which I responded "Oh, of course!" We then came into the kitchen and ate breakfast, and I got to examine the ring a little bit better. I was horrified to find out that it looked terrible! It was like a childs ring, with a big giant love heart in the middle on a coloured band. I left Jason in the kitchen and ran upstairs to talk to my mum, who I found in her bathroom drying her hair. I then asked her a very important question; "Mum! Jason just gave me a ring and look at it! What do I do if I don't like it?" That dream abruptly ended there.

My Interpretation:
Bahaha! Have I been thinking about proposals? Oh hell no. [shifty eyes] I remember the tacky ring so clearly now though, and how panicked I felt when I rushed in to ask my mum what I should do.

Analyse away, my friends. Make some sense of these for me.