A Great Comeback Line.

Yep. If anyone ever brings out the good old 'If Billy jumped off a bridge, does that mean you would do it too?' line, my answer?

Sure! (If there's a big-ass piece of elastic strapped around my ankles, that is.)

Today I recieved a parcel in the mail from one of the girls on Contiki. Inside, was a DVD containing some classified photographs, featuring yours truly (and her rather large stomach) launching herself off a bridge in Queenstown. If you are a new reader and weren't around for my January New Zealand adventure, you may not realise that Jase, being a clever, clever chook, deleted the evidence of my Kawarau Bridge bungy jump off the camera. (He claims by accident, but after seeing some of these photos, I think he was actually just afraid of the lard content in them. I know I am.)

So now, I can finally show you how brave I was, with proof that I really DID throw myself off a bridge. (Brave, maybe. Stupid, indeed.) But I'm serious, the lard factor is NOT kind to the eyes. Am just glad the bungee ropes held strong.

My jumping story was actually rather cruel, considering I was told I'd end up going last, yet was yoinked to the front of the line when I was least expecting it. Not good for the panicking, let me tell you. I didn't even really get to say 'goodbye' to Jason, either. It was just a 'Hey, you! Let's go!' And, look! There I am waving like a loon and trying not to crap my pants! At this point, I was positive I was going to trip over and stumble to my death, because it's bloody hard to try and stand still with your ankles tied together. On a plank. Preparing to JUMP OFF A BRIDGE. And also? I wasn't quite ready to jump yet. No really. I'd rather not. Just give me some time. What's wrong with you people? I don't want to jump off a bridge. Who came up with this stupid idea anyway? What the fuck was I thinking? Help! Shit! Crap!

After I waved for the stupid camera, and smiled at the stupid people watching on the viewing podium (geez, no pressure!) I clung like mad to this little hand-rest that was just behind me. I then got shouted at by the bungy dude, who was telling me it's actually dangerous to hold onto that, and that I really ought to just jump off the damn bridge already. He started counting me down, but realised that tactic wasn't working when he got to 1 and I was still there, shivering in my boots and wondering if there were any other ways to get down. It wasn't the warmest of days, so I had asked specifically to do the jump that would swing me above the river below, instead of being dunked up to my waist. No, thankyou. In the end, I decided to just jump already, because I feared the bungy guy was about ready to push me off the plank. I put my arms up in the air, and sort of launched myself off without thinking. I wish I knew what I was thinking, but it's all a big blank now. Who would have thought that I actually did a really good dive off the platform, judging by this photograph anyway.

And that was that! I had my eyes squished shut the whole way down, and was silent for the dive part. As I swung up backwards under the bridge, I opened my mouth and let out a squawking/shrieking noise and then enjoyed the swinging! They kept to their word, and I was hanging back and forth above the water, which was great. I had done it! (At this stage, I was more worried about the fact that my shirt was flying up towards the boob area, and EW, flab!) I saw the inflatable raft start to make its way towards me, when all of a sudden the ropes went slack and I saw myself headed straight for the water! Yep. For some reason, they had loosened the ropes, so guess who got a dunking in the FREEZING cold water? Er, yes, that would be me. I came up spluttering, only to be bounced back into the water again for a second time. That time, I was greeted by the guys in the rowboat laughing at me, nice! After a couple of dazed attempts of grabbing the pole, I was lowered into the boat and my legs untied. I remember just lying in there with my hands over my face, shaking from pure adrenalin. (And cold.)

So there is my bungy story. There's not much else to it, other than random snippets of events like watching Jase do his bungy, being photographed by Japanese tourists while I was walking up the hill dripping wet, and then trying to towel myself off in the bathrooms with toilet paper. But you know what? I can show these pictures to my grandkids one day. (And I'm happy to report that after the other day's whinging? I think my gut looks a little less lardy now. Bonus.)