Got a little spare time on your hands?
Feeling like you need to er, spruce up your image a little?
Over-active sinus and/or throat glands got you down?

I'm pleased to inform you that I have found a way to combat these worries. Just follow these simple steps, and you'll be on your way to looking as cool as me.

Step 1 -- The Diet:
Diet? What? Raid your pantry and see how much food you can ingest before your stomach starts making gurgling noises that leave you concerned & running for the bathroom.
[Optional: Nutella is low GI, so eating it straight from the jar is perfectly acceptable.]

Step 2 -- The Clothes:
It's all about comfort. Over-sized jumpers, daggy trackies and pink fuzzy socks are all the rage, especially when paired with clompy house slippers & five year old dressing gowns.
[Optional: Throw blankets from your bed around your shoulders for added comfort.]

Step 3 -- The Hair:
My two words for you are these, messy & bun. The greasier, the better! Simply take hair, shove into bun and tie back. Simple, easy and completely hassle free.
[Optional: If you're keen and have already showered, simply slick back wet hair as above.]

Step 4 -- The Image:
Throw away that lippie, be gone with the foundation, it's time to let it all be natural! Red noses are replacing red lips, dry and cracked lips are so fashionable, and once only runway models could sport eyes ringed with black and vacant expressions.
[Optional: Stay indoors. If you must venture outside, big black sunglasses are a necessity.]

Step 5 -- The Health & Wellbeing:
Sharing is caring! Spread your germs as far and wide as possible because you know what they say; misery loves company! Why be sick on your own, when you can bring others down to experience it with you? Your friends will love you for it.
[Optional: Sniffing pepper induces sneezing, for optimum germ spreadage.]

Come hang out with me, now please. No, really. I am the epitome of cool, indeed.