Today's post is randomly brought to you from one of the fabulous bloggers participating in -R-'s Blog Share. Please make today's anonymous writer feel welcome, and take a peep at the other participating bloggers featured at the end of the blog: perhaps if you search hard enough, you'll even find mine out there ...
***
When -R- initially mentioned this Blog Share, I immediately had ideas bouncing around in my head. There are so many things I would blog about if I were only revealing myself to The Internet, but as it stands now, most of my readers know me In Real Life. I felt overwhelmed with all the things I've left unsaid, held back on or skimmed over because I didn't want to deal with the backlash of questions from concerned or excited friends. But just as quickly as all of those thoughts came to me, they left. The whirlwind has come and gone and left me grasping at underdeveloped ideas and things I'm still not sure I can write about—even anonymously.
So, while I am still trying to figure out what to reveal and what to hold on tight to, I will say that I am feeling the pressure to produce an excellent post. After reading through a dozen or so of Aly's posts, I need to tell you something you already know: She is a great writer. I have created my best 'as heard in the movies' Australian accent for her and I can hear her telling each story. Her posts actually turn out the way that I envision mine. Plus, she can say 'bloody' and 'bugger' without getting strange looks. I also I feel as though we have a lot in common, but then I think about how I am not the only one censoring myself on my blog—that everyone edits out certain details of their lives. That brings me back to the point of this post, Forbidden Blog Topics. This is what I'm reluctant to share:
I want to be pregnant NOW. Luckily, my husband and I are on the same page for this one, but there are a few things holding us back, namely money. I constantly worry about being able to afford children. I also worry about parenting and how it will change our marriage. I do not mention this on my blog because I do not want people to know when we start trying or to constantly nag us about having kids. I don't want my co-workers to find out and have it get back to my boss—if I'm up for a promotion or a new job comes along, I don't want it to even enter their minds. I don't want some of my friends to worry about how it will change our relationships or to plan on baby dates and get-togethers that I may or may not want to have with some of them.
I also really, really want to have a girl. My dad wants a grand daughter and quite possibly for that very reason, I really want a daughter first. Of course I want our baby to be healthy, but I would love to have a healthy baby girl followed by a healthy baby boy.
I have body image issues and it's my right to have them. I realize that I am smaller than some, but that doesn't mean that I am always happy with the way I look or that I don't want to improve certain aspects of my body. I've lost a lot of weight in between college and now, but I would still like to tone up. I have fat days but I know I'm not fat. I'm small, but I'm certainly not a stick figure. I have curves. I have muscles. I have fat. There are days I want plastic surgery and liposuction. I don't post about any of this because at the slightest mention of my size, weight or food intake people roll their eyes and say, "Where do you have weight to lose?" Well, if you can't see it that just means that you haven't seen me naked and my clothes are doing their job.
These are two taboo topics for me. I'm sorry I had to air them at all, but lately I've had the need to just let it out. Thank you, Aly, for allowing me to post on your blog. I did not accomplish my goal of delivering an excellent post, but this was a great release for me. Thank you, -R-, for setting up the Blog Share and for introducing me to new bloggers.
Aly
And You Know What Else
Bright Yellow World
Confessions of a Novice
Everything I Like Causes Cancer
Face Down
Liz Land
Muse On Vacation
Nabbalicious
Nancy Pearl Wannabe
Not What You Think It Is
Operation Pink Herring
Red Red Whine
Reflections in the Snow-Covered Hills
Sass Attack
Stefanie Says
Thinking Some More
great point about the bloody and bugger! Now, what exactly is a whinge? a whine? I love it, but don't know what it means. Glad you got to get that off your chest, and I think you did a fine job of it. Amen.
ReplyDeleteYay anonymous posts! This was a great entry.
ReplyDeleteHi, anonymous writer! Very nice post, and I'm glad you got those two biggies off your chest. I know it's easy for me to say this, but I don't think you should let money stop you from starting your family. I don't know how you can arrange to have a girl first, but I believe that the money part usually can work itself out if it's needed. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteMe too to everything here. I really, really want to get pregnant, but I don't want anyone to know. I want to have a girl first. I don't know anything about boys. And I feel extremely fat, even though I am usually a size 6 or 8. It is probably vanity sizing that has saved me from double digits.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting! It's so odd, because I'm a fan of Alynda's, and I'm not sure if you're one of the bloggers I read... So oddly wonderful! Anyway, I hope you stay in good spirits and remember that from what I've heard most people aren't ready to have a baby, but when they do they find a way. Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteHello, anonymous poster! I love all this honesty. I don't think you've said anything here to be ashamed of, and I feel bad for you that you haven't felt able to express it.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame this writer for not wanting to share that on their blog. People get so crazy and apply WAY too much pressure to people once they hear they are trying to get preggers. And stress isn't good for that.
ReplyDeleteBut I wish you well! And although the baby does change everything, I am pretty sure it is for the best. And I wouldn't worry about HOW it is going to change you. Just know that it will and roll with it!
And yes, some friends may not like the change (I know, I'm single with no kids and 30, so I'm one of the rare people in my circle) but the good friends will embrace it! Because babies are the BEST!
Good luck!
I think that was absolutely an excellent post. Very honest.
ReplyDeleteLovely and raw, indeed. Brava (and I wholeheartedly agree with you about Alyndabear) :)
ReplyDeleteI think most bloggers censor themselves and I think it's probably necessary to avoid conflict.
ReplyDeleteAlso, it's ok to have body image issues even if you are thin. It's normal. :)
This spoke to me on so many levels. Especially the last sentence about not seeing someone naked and clothes doing their job: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I too get those comments, and while I am small boned, it does not mean that I am skinny.
ReplyDeleteLove this post.
ReplyDeleteHi secret blogger! I really related to the way you talked about having body image issues. I know what you mean, I feel the same way a lot of the time. I think we are all entitled to feel however we want about our bodies, since they are "our bodies". I hope that my husband and I are ready for kids in a few years, hopefully you will be graced with a little girl your first time around!! I know it's super early, but any name thoughts? Thanks for sharing with everyone!
ReplyDeleteIt's a scary thing to want to start a family!! The most important thing is that you and Hubby are on the same page... the rest, it will work itself out.
ReplyDeletePs, Hi Aly!
I don't have children so you can ignore this if you like, but I think kids are one of those things that you'll never be 100% prepared. I think the best preparation is to understand you can't anticipate everything. Dive in and roll with it.
ReplyDeleteAnd the line about your clothes doing their job? Loved it. Totally understand. I'm curvy but because I know how to dress my shape I look good. It's all about what you put on what you have.
I'm the same. Hesitant to post or even really talk about my size. I'm not comfortable with it, and dress as best as I can to hide it. My mother likes to think this makes me a prude. I don't voice my fears because of the backlash. And I do it often. I censor things in my blog, but at the same time, I don't because I know I only have a few readers.
ReplyDeleteWhat a good idea though!
I love those little moments when people are able to share themselves so vulnerably with others (even those they haven't met face to face). What a reminder of the things that make us all human. Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteI don’t have a face book or myspace account I don’t use my real name only a few people know my real name and in fact they only know my first 2 names not my surname! No one at my work knows that I blog and to be honest they don’t really care I could get run over tomorrow & the only thing they would be worried about would be that there was no milk!
ReplyDeleteOnly a few family members know about my user name and they know all about me anyway and I am an open book R say I give too much of myself anyway but that is just the way I am , my heart is on my sleeve! I’ve learned to hold back a little but I find it’s hard not to be myself.
I used grungedandy as firstly no one had used it at all when I came up with it and I wanted to start my own website. It’s a mix of the two styles of artwork I like to do and music I like and me! Secondly I could be a boy or a girl (I’ve outed myself as a girl recently as people assumed I was a boy) and thirdly I had a very bad abusive relationship with an Middle Eastern ex army assassin for 3 years who stalked me when it went wrong & HE dumped me after HE got another girl pregnant & made HER have an abortion (she knew nothing about me & was too dumb to realise all the photos of me around the place where not of his sister!) but then HE wouldn’t leave me alone to get on with my life for about another 3 years! Oh and I found out later that he had raped someone while on duty apparently on orders she was a spy and deserved it.!!!! I was a victim of rape and he knew about this, which took me a while to get over as I did love him, in my defence I was young, it was all very romantic to start with, he made me happy, we did have good times and he was very, very beautiful and I’m not! (Not looking for compliments just stating the facts)
I don’t want him to find me EVER I don’t think I’m strong enough to hold it together I pretend to everyone that I am but I think I would loose it if he found me again (and I’m a F**king black belt because of fear of him and would probably hold a gun licence if I could & learn how to use it but I think that if you’ve got one someone else might end up using it against you so I don’t!)
Ok that turned into a rant! I should probably have put it on a large postcard and sent it to that guy but I figured most people don’t go looking back through posts & comments so I’m safe-ish so long as I’ve not scared you Alyndabear off I’m not so damaged I promise only where GIT what I call it is concerned! LoL I’ve had no contact for over 6 years now so should be good! Touch wood cross fingers extra!
Seeya hugya *G*
what a fun posting idea - there are so many things people would like to post about but feel inhibited. I think it's exciting to want to have a baby though I have lots of friends who aren't pregnant but have talked about wanting to be.
ReplyDelete