There are some days when the only thing you want to do is get away from it all.
In October I pushed myself too far with my jogging and ended up straining my shins and ankles, so I cut right back. It's incredible how only a few weeks off the exercise bandwagon can make such a huge difference in your fitness: getting back into my routine has not been easy. And my efforts haven't been anywhere near as successful as they were a few months ago. Suffice it to say I've been feeling a bit down on myself, especially as some of the kilos have started creeping back on me, and I've been feeling less than psyched about myself.
It seemed that my usual 'treadmill after work' timeslot wasn't working for me anymore, so I switched to setting my alarm earlier and attempting to do some walking before my morning shower. Sadly, that didn't work either; I'd wake up, turn off the alarm, and go back to sleep. So I'm not a morning person, I'm not an afternoon person, what's a girl to do? Come home in my 20 minute lunchbreak? Everything got completely out of whack.
Feeling like I've let myself down is the worst feeling. I had built up this idea in my head that by the time I moved to England, I would be fit and healthy and well, trim. Even after the hard work I've put in over the past few months, I'm still not that person. I don't know if I'll ever be that person. And I have this horrible feeling that my being the same old shape, the same old person, is going to let other people down too.
I don't know. I'm thinking too much today, about a whole stack of things that have been going on here at home and in my mind. This afternoon, I spent a little bit of time downloading some new tunes onto my Ipod. I changed into my work out clothes. I headed downstairs. I sat on the lounge and stared at the treadmill for a fairly long time, wishing that just being in the same room as exercise equipment could burn off the calories.
Eventually I stepped up and got on with it. Ninety minutes and ten kilometres later, I got off. Sweating like a pig. Uncomfortably chafed under the armpits. Wobbly in the legs. Happy. Proud. Feeling good. This is why I need to deal with my issues. This is why I need to just get on the damn treadmill and walk away the stress. Now comes the trickier part: convincing myself that it's not a chore, making sure that I'm doing this for the right reasons, and not being so damned hard on myself all of the time. I have a long way to go.
When things have you worried, how do you get away from it from it all?
I'm not a runner, and 'm not sure if I ever will be!
ReplyDeleteBut I do love it when i complete a gym session after not wanting to go!
Ugh.I think we all feel like that at one point. I hate the fact that I still consider excerise as a chore.
ReplyDeleteI ran yesterday morning. Sadly right through a front lawn that had been freshly mown, wich resulted in my legs breaking out in some kind of hideous itchy rash *they were bright red and scratched for about four hours? And that's AFTER an antihystamine!*... anyway. I've taken a vow never to run again. Ever.
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you deary. You've had more enthusiasm with it than I've ever had with my exercise. AND.. despite what you say, you do look good.
When things have me worried, I'd watch something mindless and funny, or I'd play video games. Working out is always a good idea - you get some endorphins, you get tired, you have a nice shower and your mind tends to be a bit more relaxed after.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you need new running / gym clothes to make you WANT to run.
ReplyDeleteI always feel so much more relieved and better about myself after a strong workout at the gym - and that is the feeling I focus on when I'm struggling to muster enough motivation.
I also anjoy mind numbing games such as Railway Tycoon and Age of Empires for some good time out - zoning out.
Pretty much that same river in Egypt :(
ReplyDeleteI just got your blog title... der... took me a while.
ReplyDeleteNow, you know I am not much of an exerciser but I just went for a power walk with hand and ankle weights whilst listening to Basment Jaxx and I was imagining I was kicking people in the head.
I feel fucking great now.
Oooh I am with Amanda! New clothes!
ReplyDeleteAnd, also... the feeling I have about an hour after working my butt off: having all that energy and joy from those rushed endorphins. THAT is what keeps me going. THAT is what makes me want to work my butt of again and again. :)
Also, setting goals works, too. Maybe shoot for a short, local 5k race? Even if you walk the whole thing, you'll still be proud of yourself for finishing!
I wish I had some sage advice, but I really don't enjoy exercise either. I love walking, especially with the dogs, taking photos, breathing the fresh air, so I do that as much as possible, and that seems to have made a difference in my body--maybe not weight-wise, but things seem firmer in certain spots.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe I'm just trying to find an excuse to take a walk.
I empathize.
I do the EXACT same thing with my treadmill. I think we all do this with some aspect of our lives - try not to be so hard on yourself, deary :) (I'm not really the type of person to say "deary," but I felt that the situation warranted a "deary." So there you go!)
ReplyDeleteEither exactly what you did or bury my nose in a book.
ReplyDeleteI shop! haha. I would say exercise but I barely do that and I can only go to the gym when Im with Dave, since I go as his guest!
ReplyDeleteHow do I get away from it all...I take a long drive by myself inot the country. Or I make Eric take the kids and I have the house to myself to do what I want.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to get into an exercising routine. I just can't do it long term. Ya know what I did? I resorted to exercising while watching tv. It's not much, but it works. I walk in place or jog in place, stretch and other things. It gets my ass up and moving.
This week, the way I'm getting away from my worries is going to some teacher training that I heard about last minutes (i.e. yesterday). Today will be my last day of teaching for the week, which is really lifting my spirits.
ReplyDeleteHave you thought about setting a goal for yourself (walking/running in an upcoming race)? What about finding a workout partner ... even someone to go walking with you a few times a week. The accountability aspect may increase your desire to get into the gym.
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you for getting on and doing it, when you clearly didn't want to.
ReplyDeleteYour struggles with exercise and weight...well I could have written this exact post. So I know intimately what you're going through.
I have no words to help you, but don't worry about disappointing others. If their lives are so fragile that your weight can make or break them, maybe it's they who need to be doing some soul-searching.
One time when I was super-stressed, I watched The Sound of Music, and it made me feel so much better. Exercising does usually make me feel good, and yet, I still cannot motivate myself to do it.
ReplyDeleteThe river in Egypt - are we talking about deNile?
ReplyDeleteI don't think you should worry too much about why you're doing it, so long as you are. It's definitely a good thing to get an exercise routine.
Of course, I'm not really one to talk. The last time I had a regular exercise anything was in high school.
I watch Finding Nemo. That part about "just keep swimming, just keep swimming" has gotten me through some very tough times.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm serious. Hey, everyone has "their" thing, right?
I can totally sympathize with you, Alynda. It's so hard, I know. I hate the thought of exercising, I hate getting dressed for it and actually taking the time to do it. Once I do it, though, I usually enjoy it. I've tried the morning thing and the after work thing, and neither of them work, either. The only thing I've found that works is to take a walk on my lunchbreak with my iPod. I was doing pretty well with it for a good two months back in August/September. But then the whole Moving thing hit us and now life is kindof upsidedown for the moment, and it's a tad on the chilly side, and I am back into my depressed, tired rut. What can I say, it sucks. Meanwhile, my bag of exercise clothes and walking shoes have sat underneath my work desk now, untouched, for about two months. One of these days I'll get back into it. But, like you said, getting back into it is the hardest thing. Especially when I've put a couple of pounds back on and feel like a bloated blimp. Too much candy, icecream, and stress.
ReplyDeleteWell, it shall pass. You're doing great! I think you look really well, too. Try not to get so down on yourself. Just pick yourself up today and start over. Each day is a new day. Don't look back on the days missed exercising. (This is advice for myself, too. Lord knows I need a pep talk.)
I like to think of the oddball character on the Adam Sandler movie who says "You can DO eet!!!"
You poor thing! Don't be so down on yourself - cause DAMN! - 90 minutes!?!?! I would be stone, cold dead. You rock compared to my exercising abilities! You are stressed and busy and don't worry. I'm sure you look way more fabulous than you realize.
ReplyDeleteI've been having the exact same issues lately. No motivation to work out, feeling crappy because I've gained a few pounds back, general disappointment. I'm trying to get back on the bandwagon this week, even if it means I have to go home during my lunch today and to pick up the sports bra I forgot this morning. I'm hoping that a really good week of working out will fix the Blah-ness.
ReplyDeletehmmm, i surf the net, scrap, read, watch copious amounts of tv, go shopping and try to fill the void. basically, I don't do anything productive to get away...
ReplyDeleteI blog. Writing through the stress. I'm quite stressed about something these days and I'm not ready to blog/share it, and that's tough. I'm an open book usually, and it's helpful to verbally vomit my problems away.
ReplyDeleteI also have dinner/drinks with a girlfriend, read, take a nap, cook, shop alone, breathe deeply.
I know/understand your discouragement. Don't be too hard on yourself.
i read. reading always calms me down. takes me to a place where i have no worries.
ReplyDeleteI drink too much wine.
ReplyDeleteI'm having the same battle about exercise, though. I know it is good for me. Know it will make me feel better. But it is just the act of MAKING myself do it that is hard.
I wish I had a treadmill at home because that would make things easier. It's driving to the out of the way gym that has no parking that deters me. And I'm stuck at that one until Feb.
I hate exercise but I need to do it. My excuse is work though. I wake up at 6AM (also not a morning person), work until 6:30, get home around 7:00 and just want to relax with the boy because I'm so exhausted from work.
ReplyDeleteI need to get back into it!
I love working out. In fact, I didn't realize how much I love it until I have been physically unable to do it with this broken ankle. Also, it is frustrating that it takes so long to get the weight off and how easily it comes back on. The only thing I can do right now is try and eat less, and I've never been a fan of that.
ReplyDeleteI think the key, when you stop working out, is to get back into it slowly. You may find you bounce back better than you thought, as long as you don't hurt yourself doing it.
If I'm super stressed out, I either put in a movie, read for a while, take a nap, or call a friend who I know won't mind listening to me vent. Anything to get my mind off the stressful stuff. I still consider running somewhat of a chore...why can't I convince myself that it is really fun? Amazing? Because I can't lie to myself, that's why, haha.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of in the same boat right now. I need to just get off my tail and run, but I can't seem to do it for various reasons... it's raining, it's cold, it's hot, I don't have the right socks, etc. Even though I know that once I get started it's so much better, even though I know that it gets easier each time. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, girl! 10k is a whole heck of a lotta running! Good for you. That is amazing! I clean when something's bothering me. Good for me, good for the house :)
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely not a runner, but I have been struggling to get back in to a work out schedule. It's so much harder than I thought it would be, so I'm right there with you. But I have faith that you'll be able to get it together and find your own time for fitness and relaxation. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI go back and forth on the work out routine too. And it's hard to get back into it. Really hard. I find that good new music helps though. I won't let myself listen to it unless it's on my iPod and I'm on the treadmill. Working out will always be a chore to me, but I do feel good after it. Just like sitting in a clean house.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome, it doesn't matter who or how long the work out it, it matters that you don't give up!
ReplyDeleteI fell off the running bandwagon two months ago and gained about 2 or 3 kilos since, and I really need to get back on the bandwagon and even though I enjoy the feeling after I finish running I haven't quite managed to convince myself it is not a chore either.
ReplyDeleteAt least you have the motivation, hun.
ReplyDeleteI'm in a similar place right now. I got off my routine and now I cna't get back on and 10 lbs have creeped back on. I don;t know how many kilos that is. but great job working out today. now if you can keep it up for more and more days... that will be the best.
ReplyDeleteOh the commonalities! Seriously, go read my blog from today. I totally know what you are going through, I struggle with it myself and like you said, the hardest part is getting back into it. And kudos to you for using a treadmill for running that distance, I could not do it, must be outside, must have changing scenery!
ReplyDeleteIf I want to have a gentle cruise along the river of denial I will immerse myself in dvd's and invariably fall asleep. If I really need a speedboat ride to rid myself of stress a good brisk walk helps.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time though I avoid analyzing things too much and learned not to be down on myself so I do not need to go anywhere near Egypt. It took time and practice to do this but it was well worth it :-)
Oooh. I sleep. When things are too much, I curl up and nap. It makes it better when I'm not freaking exhausted. (I miss you! you never comment over at my place anymore :()
ReplyDeleteYou're doing great! Seriously, everyone feels like, I think I go through those same emotions about once a month. I started going to the gym during work and I watch Dr. Phil while I'm on the eliptical, that and good music helps.
ReplyDeleteEveryone feels "over" exercise at one point or another (see: me, right now), but sometimes you just have to get on the treadmill and do it anyway! Good for you!!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, because as I clicked on you in my feed reader, I was trying to figure out an excuse to skip my running class tonight... hopefully I'll muster up the motivation to GO.