A Self Portrait: Kidlet Style.

When it's raining at school, the kidlets are kept inside for recess and lunch breaks - leaving them with little else to do than play games and act like lunatics draw. This morning, I was given a gift by one of my kidlets. Turns out that he had found some paper with a "Draw your teacher" box, followed the instructions and had created a sketch which he wanted me to have. Looking back, I should have been nervous, since it was about this time that he and his friends burst into fits of giggles.

This is why: [You'll need to click to enlarge, it'll take you to Flickr.]



Apparently, I'm not 23. I'm really a scary looking seventy year old woman. Or a pointy nosed witch. With Harry Potter spectacles. (In my defense, my lasered eyeballs are glasses free and just fine. Those were my sunglasses perched on top of my head.)

My eyebrows appear rather terrifying, and despite what it looks like, I promise I wasn't smoking in my classroom. The man hands though, those are real. Can't argue with that. Bloody genetics.


Also note the bulging arm muscles, lopsided bosom and veiny neck. The growth on my elbow is a wee bit scary. Kid's got an eye for detail.

I was suitably distressed after checking the portrait out, but did a good job of masking my horror with a "Wow, great job!" A few minutes later, I realised I was still holding the picture in my hand with a death grip, so decided to take it further. I asked him if he thought I really looked like this, to which he snickered and mentioned something about being far away, bad lighting and not being able to get a good look. (Who knew I was raising precious little artists in my classroom?)

He asked if he could re-draw the portrait, and I told him that if it was raining that afternoon, we could stay inside and do some creative drawing. Lo and behold, it was pouring - time for drawing. (I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.) The kidlets were happy enough doing this, so I set them all the challenge of drawing other people as portrait shots. A few others jumped on the bandwagon as well.

Here are the results of my rainy afternoon of sketching with the kidlets. I'm going to put my commentary for each picture in a random order first, and it's up to you to match it to the appropriate picture. I'm sure you'll figure it out!

1. Cartoon-style, big cleavaged, vampire-fanged Aly.


2. Aly on profile, with elvish ears, a receding hairline, one heck of a raised eyebrow, hypnotic eyeballs, and a little man dangling from her keychain. (Look!)


3. Slightly sunburned, double jointed and lopsided caricature of Aly.

4. Aly the tart, with a red pout, an excessive amount of blush, a watch halfway up her arm, PEARLS, and a skanky nightgown with one shoulder strap suggestively falling down. (Try not to be distracted by the floating bubbles with my surname floating around my head. This is ART, folks.)

5. Terrifying, devoid of soul, wrinkly & nekkid looking Aly.

6. Scary, tribal-masked, voodoo Aly hanging on a washing line.