In My Place.

How did we once again end up on the other side of Christmas? It's all such a blur. The turkey is mostly gone, though I have a suspicion that there are still quite a few leftovers hiding in the fridge, the wrapping paper tidied up and thrown away - and our little flat looks back to normal now. We didn't put up decorations this year; last year Oscar demolished our tree in a matter of days and to be honest, I just didn't feel like it.

After feeling rubbish all day today, I decided to throw myself into a cleaning frenzy. I'm usually super organised, but I'll have the occasional day where nothing looks right, and all I want to do is clean.

I scrubbed the bathroom down (how does one tiny room get so dirty?), re-organised my bookshelves, sorted out my mail & paperwork, and with Jason's help, moved furniture around in the living room - it looks much more open now. Shame about the Wii accessories tossed around the room, but I really don't think there is an easy way to make that look neat, without putting them away completely. It's a work in progress.

The stangest thing about it all? Even though it looks much better now and everything is in its new place - it still doesn't feel like home. Don't get me wrong, it is home, but it isn't really ours. We live in it. We rent it. It's not ours.

Yesterday marked two years to the day since I arrived in London.

One of the hardest things about our adventure living abroad is that while you're away, life goes on without you. People get married, buy houses, have children. Friends stay in touch initially, drift away and eventually end up as just a number on Facebook. And all the while, you float in limbo, in your own little ex-pat bubble. Life is wonderful. London amazes me every day. We're doing this for the future! But still...

It's like that Sliding Doors movie. You have a perfectly happy existance, but there's this whole other life that could potentially have happened. Would we be settled somewhere and having a similar day like we are now - cleaning and rearranging our possessions? Would we both still be working - what would we be doing? Would we have any kids other than Oscar - human or of the furry kind? So many things to think about.

I'm not ungrateful for the things that we have been able to accomplish together so far. We're very blessed to be here. And as down and homesick as I can get sometimes (I'll blame the post-holiday season) I know that when we do eventually move back to Australia? I'll miss this gorgeous city.

It's just one of those days.