I hate to do it, but I feel a bit of a panicky post coming on: you have been warned!

Today, it's all about planning. Here's something you've probably gathered about me just by reading my blog - I love to plan in advance. I'm not a spontaneous person at all - for me to be comfortable and on board with things, I need to be organised and I need to know what's happening with time to spare. For the most part, that's fine - it just means I start looking at things a lot earlier than most people, and have the time to get all of the details worked out without bothering anyone else. It's not that I'm a super planner or anything like that; I'm just not big on surprises and I'm much more likely to enjoy myself when I know things are locked and loaded and ready to go!

Being this paranoid about pre-planning is a positive thing for me - and for others too. It's especially useful when I'm travelling, because I can make up a mean itinerary. (You're talking to the girl who had to create an itinerary to fit in friend visits while I was home for two weeks and in wedding planning mode. It had to be done.) One of the fun things about planning trips is either looking at the itineraries that are already designed, or tweaking them to make them perfect. Suffice it to say that not being in control of my situation really spins me out.

So what is it that has me worrying? It's this year. It's what happens next.

The original plan was looking like this: enjoy our last summer in London with lots of visitors passing through our doors, head off on a European adventure with the girls while Jase finished out his work contract, and then wrapping up our stay in mid-November, maybe squeezing in a short travel stint as a couple before we got back to Sydney ready for Christmas. It was going to be a very busy few months, but I've been looking forward to the travels at the end of the year, particularly helping plan a special and exciting trip away somewhere with the boy before we will move home for good and are both busy with a million other things.

But then we have our Sliding Doors alternative - my smart and talented fiancé has been offered several other prospects for work which he is considering at the moment. He's had one offer already and has another interview lined up, all while holding his current contracting role so he is in a really good position right now - particularly because both roles involve a higher salary and an additional couple of months work. I'm incredibly happy for him, but it throws our plans into a bit of a jumble; it means that our travelling will be put on hold and we'll likely not be home until January or February next year. We don't know what is going to happen yet - financially, the latter option makes more sense, but in truth? I was really ready to wrap up the year by being back home. We have so much to do when we get back - finding an apartment to rent, out laying money on cars, each of us finding a job, planning this wedding - it will all be so much more rushed if we delay our homecoming. It's so uncertain!

To put it bluntly, I'm feeling really useless about what happens next, simply because I can't plan for it. Either way, the plans will be on hold for now and both options are positive ones for us as a couple, so I have nothing to be complaining about. I'm grateful for the opportunities we've had; we're both so lucky.

I've always wished I could be more spontaneous; maybe this is the universe trying to tell me something?