This evening I ventured out to a new local restaurant to meet a few people for a dinner. One of them is a good friend who has been here on holidays but is heading back to Sydney tomorrow; so it was sort of a leaving-do for him as well as a catch up with a few other girls I used to work with. It was a lovely dinner & we all ate some of the most amazing authentic wood fire pizzas (my mouth is watering just thinking about it again.. yum) in London. It was a fun evening out, however it led me to thinking about personalities within groups.
You see, I'm more than able to hold a conversation of my own - despite growing up as a super, super shy bunny. I still find myself feeling and acting a little socially awkward more than I'd like to admit, and I do have some random quirks with speaking in public: one of those is phoning people I don't know. (Yes, at 26, calling up and getting quotes or speaking to people over the phone, really freaks me out. It's slightly ridiculous, but it's just me.) But as I've gotten older, I find that social conversations are a tiny bit less scary than they used to be.
There were only four of us out tonight and it was a fairly intimate restaurant. The two girls, one from Canada and one from America, are naturally quite loud and talkative - they're both the kind of girl who always has a story to tell, always have amusing things to relay to others, and always have a million things going on in their life to talk about. The guy, my darling friend T, is one of the most gorgeous people I've ever met, who always has adventure stories to share - the most recent ones being his travelling trips through Mykonos & Crete and his experiences as a club-goer world over.
And then there's me. Who, let's face it, lives a pretty boring little life! I love talking about travels, wedding planning and all that jazz, but compared to the amazing stories the others had ready to tell, those things just didn't seem so important - so I found myself sitting back in my chair and just taking it all in.
It's not like there's anything wrong with that, and I don't dislike being that person - but looking back, that always has been the way I function. I like to listen. I can interject here and there with a comment or a reply or some witty banter, but I've never really been the storyteller - unless it's a topic that I'm really interested in.
Sometimes people might mistake that quietness for shyness, but it's not. It can be awkward on occasion, yes, particularly if I really do have nothing at all to contribute. But tonight, I was perfectly content to sit, eat, drink and listen. While my cosy little life might be boring to some people, it's all I would ever wish for myself - to be happy, to love the ones you're with, and to be thankful for what you have!
What kind of person would you consider yourself to be in a group?
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23 comments:
I'm the loud chatty girl, that doesn't shush. It's something others always comment on, that I'm such a confident person. But throw me in a room with some highly important re a principal and I stutter and rush myself. Not the posed self I am socially. I'm fine in interviews or calling. Just sometimes some people intimidate me.
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I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I can chat with anyone and tend to do so in order to put people at ease, but I also try to listen and ask questions and draw other people out and I'm pretty good at doing so. It really depends on the dynamic of the group.
I'm with Jess. Definitely in the middle.
I talk way too much. Sometimes out of excitement, sometimes out of nervousness. Either way, I tend to keep a conversation going (and dominate it sometimes unfortunately). I do however get quite nervous meeting new people and I SWEAT. My poor shirts. ;)
Sometimes I'm really chatty, and sometimes I'm really quiet and shy. It really depends on the group and if I have anything to contribute to the conversation.
The larger the group, the quieter I am. I do much better one on one or in a smaller group, and even then I still prefer to keep it to smaller comments rather than actively participating in a conversation. I much prefer listening and watching.
Your life isn't boring! And I'm the same, I definitely enjoy sitting back and listening to others.
I know a girl who talks A LOT. But in the annoying kind of way where even if you try to get a word in she'll just talk over the top of you.
I think I'm in the middle. I like listening to people but I can also be chatty - it depends on my mood and who I am with. Don't let other people's stories make you feel like yours aren't as good - because they are. :)
I'm the shy girl. I'm the painfully shy girl who has trouble even asking for a drink when anyone offers one.
I have a few stories... But unless I'm totally okay with the people I'm with, I'm just the weird, spazzy girl.
I'm the same as Kirsten-- the larger the group, the quieter I am. I think I'm not naturally pushy enough to get a word in with larger groups, so I tend to fall back and let others do the talking while I listen. I do better with smaller groups, and I'm trying to work on being more confident.
I have the same issue with calling-- it's the primary reason I don't have a GP in the UK, because I don't want to call them to ask if they'll take registrations from someone who should have registered 2 years ago.
Oh I am SOOOO with you on this! I can hold a conversation one on one no problem, but in big groups, when there are bigger personalities, I tend to stay quiet because I don't feel as interesting or funny. I hate talking on the phone too but I'm determined to work on that this year! And when we meet up? ON SATURDAY? We can talk about travel and wedding plans all you like :)
I'm somewhere in the middle... I think depending on the other people in the conversation group. I like to tell my stories, and I think I can do it well, but I'm not a natural conversationalist, and I think my tendency is more toward being the listener. I guess it just depends on how dominant the other personalities are.
I'm in the middle, I tend to feel awkward around people I don't know. I never did master the small talk.
Just came across your blog, love it :)
Oooh, I'm the listener except when I'm the socially awkward one trying to inject something into a conversation which hadn't included me to begin with and which is generally totally irrelevant since the topic changed while I was getting up the courage to speak.
Good question!
I tend to be rather quiet, especially if I'm meeting someone new. My stories aren't extravagant, I don't have the story-telling talent, and I never want to seem rude by talking about myself too much. Plus I really struggle to carry a two-sided conversation.
With close friends, I love to gab. And talk over people (horrible habit!).
If I'm in a small group of people I know well, I'm fine and can hold my own. But a larger group or a group of people I don't know that well . . . I do tend to clam up a bit. Unless I'm drunk. Then I'll probably start talking nonsense.
PS I am exactly the same about phoning people for things like that. It freaks me out.
i am so the chatterbox in groups, i can't help it, it's who i am, haha.
Im just like you Aly!! I can have a great night with someone who is a great conversation starter but if we're both a little on the quiet side, things can get awkward... Im just picturing you and I meeting up one day... that would be interesting lol!!
I'm odd in situations like this. Put me with friends and you can't shut me up but meeting new people and I'm the one sitting back and listening, but enjoying myself nonetheless.
I get very intimidated having to call people I haven't spoken to before though. I really don't know why and it's become very frustrating as I have to ask G to call for me when it's personal.
I'm in the middle, I suppose. I love listening to the adventures my friends share with me and I've always thought of myself as a good listener, but I can also be loud from time to time. I guess it really depends on who I'm with and what the subject matter is.
My personality changes depending on the group I am with. I love to hold court, and be the center of attention. That is, unless I am not comfortable with the group I am with. In those cases, then my former shy self emerges. Regardless of if I am chatty or shy, I am never quiet. I am quite the New Yorker, and only speak in one volume, loud!
I think I am probably similar to you. I used to be very shy but am now a lot more outgoing. Sometimes I even find myself talking too much and (unfortunately, I know it's rude, but sometimes I can't help myself) interrupting people. I just read Britt's comment, and I think that actually perfectly describes me (that I talk too much out of excitement or nervousness and sometimes end up dominating the conversation), but I think it really depends on the situation and group. I also have a hard time feeling left out in a conversation. Of course I don't know exactly what yours was like, but it sounds like one I may not have been totally comfortable with, not being able to contribute anything to the conversation. I do enjoy hearing other people's stories, but I also want to be able to tell one of my own, to be able to relate (at least when I am not feeling intimidated or uncomfortable with the group).
I'm not a fan of groups. I like to keep the "groups" small and simple, otherwise I feel very invisible. I'm mostly shy until I really get to know someone, and even then, if I'm in a group, I'm usually "the quiet one." Luckily, my Husband doesn't mind chatting to strangers, and he'll keep a conversation going, so he's saved me from feeling awkward many times.
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