This morning's jab really hurt. I did everything the normal way, prepared the pen, made sure I saw a liquid bubble to imply it was charged correctly... but man, it stung. Maybe because it was the centre of my tummy? The last two days have been off to either side of my belly button. This one was directly below it.
My stomach has been really sensitive the last few days - not because of the Puregon or because my ovaries are working yet, but just at the actual injection sites. It's the first time I've ever done anything like this, so it's highly likely I'm just being a wimp... or just not used to it. I prefer the quick and easy needle injection than the twice daily Synarel spray, though. That stuff is foul. Totally, utterly foul.
Today we've got a wedding to go to; well, a church blessing and family reception. It's for J's brother, the one we just visited Thailand for. We'll be seeing about half of his family, so half of those people who attended our wedding nearly a year ago. I'm dreading it - not because I don't like his family, but because I guarantee I'll have people staring at my {albeit bloated} stomach, wondering if I'm knocked up.. or worse, outright asking us when we're having kids, or why we haven't had them yet.
In the past, I've laughed it off and changed the subject - or made a joke, saying I'm busy enough teaching 25 of my own kids, and looking after the two cats. But in the middle of this cycle, it just makes me angry. Perhaps I should just come right out & tell them that I'm currently in the middle of an IVF protocol.. but then, why should I have to do that? Our direct families know, but I don't feel the need to announce it to the whole world.
What would you do?
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9 comments:
Hi Aly, I've been terrible with keeping up with your blog lately, but finally found my way back! I just want to say that I'm sorry you have to deal with people asking questions that really sting... I have a hard time knowing who to tell my medical "issues" (probably endo, haven't had the surgery yet) and it sucks when people say things that they don't know hurt, but do. I don't have any good comebacks or solutions for you, but I hope you find a good response soon -- or better yet that people stop asking!
What about saying something like "believe me, we want a baby as badly as you want one for us"? It's hard when people are so nosey about something that is none of their business.
Oh, man. Especially now that the kid is getting to be an articulate toddler, we get that question all the time. We've been trying for over a year now, so depending on how honest I'm feeling, I'll either go with some combination of "We're trying," "It happens when it happens," and describing the state of my ovulation cycle. As my husband puts it, the more uncomfortable you make it for the listener, the greater the possibility they will realize it is an uncomfortable question. Plus I've always found it therapeutic to be ridiculously honest.
I think you should say something, because I don't think people are meaning to be hurtful but clearly it is hurting you.
We have had some fertility issues (I spot 7 DPO, have problems with cysts) and it was really hurtful when people were like "WHY don't you have a baby yet?", or "you bought a house---now you need baby!" I did NOT handle it so well--my husband said I should take some of the "offenders" aside and tell them that we did want a baby and the reason we didn't have one yet wasn't due to lack of trying. Instead, I kind of blew up one day at my SIL and step-mom. It got them off my back and got the point across, but I definitely didn't handle it so well.
I find it absolutely ridiculous that people ask you such rude and personal questions, but I know it happens (and unfortunately it does not stop once you do get pregnant). For godsake, you are 25 and have been married less than a year! I know you ARE trying very hard... but if you just wanted to wait a few more years, there would be NOTHING wrong with that! Gah, people drive me crazy. Mind your own business!
I think what worked best for me was "we're working on it." You can vary the tone you use from playful to dead flat depending on how you feel about the questioner and how the question was presented.
Of course, if you want to you could always ask about their sex life in return - isn't that what they're really asking about?
Good luck!
it can be hard. i dealt with those questions for years. i was married at 21 and we started trying straight away, by the time we'd been married for 5 years, the questions came thick & fast and in the end i just couldn't be bothered being nice anymore and just started saying "getting knocked up isn't a problem, not killing the baby is however" - stopped people in their tracks but it was the truth, it was an honest answer. don't ask if you don't want to know the truth.
now when people ask - i say "we can't have children" and people still don't know what to say, apart from usually a mumbled sorry.
if you're not comfortable telling people the truth, tell them to mind their own business.
~x~
It really is such a personal decision to make when it comes to sharing. But you're blogging about it, so maybe you're more comfortable sharing your process than you think. :-)
I say, go with your gut. If in the moment you feel like you don't want to divulge any information - then don't. But if you decide you want to, then do. I don't know that it's anything you have to have decided before hand.
Hope things go/went well for you!!
I just wish people wouldn't ask questions like that. I guess I've had too many friends struggle with infertility to know how cruel of a question that can be and I know people aren't trying to be rude or to hurt you, but it's none of their business. It's not a question I would ever ask anyone especially if I didn't know them well. There are just too many variables I could be unaware of that I don't want to bring up.
I don't know what I'd do if someone asked me that if I was in their situation. I really don't. Maybe I'd ask about their sex life and the state of their uterus.
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