I feel like I don't have much to give in the way of blogging right now. These past few weeks have dragged on like crazy, and I am no closer to my next IVF cycle in any way, shape or form. As is usual for me, I've got no signs of ovulation whatsoever and I'm just so over this whole rubbish.
The pregnancy announcements are coming out of the woodwork right now, and I'm completely wrecked with each one. Every excited blog post, or text message, or facebook announcement, or forum post is just another dagger; it's just another reminder of everyone else so easily achieving what I can't. And when people who have been TTC for as long, or longer than me, announce their own pregnancies? I am happy... but I'm also devastated.
I am so tired of being on this side of the fence. I'm so tired of being positive and cheerful for everyone else, when I'm dying on the inside with every one. I'm sick of pretending to be okay when I see accidental pregnancies happen, when I hear people complain about their kids, when lucky ladies who only started trying in 2012 have already seen those two pink lines appear.
I feel numb.
Today is CD16 and I've got nothing to report. 9 days of Highs on the CBFM & not a positive OPK in sight. If I get no signs of ovulation by CD22 (the latest I ever O'ed on Clomid previously was CD21) I'm taking Provera and ending this whole, time-wasting cycle. Don't even get me started on the agony of doing another long down-regulation IVF, because it means that nothing is going to happen around these parts for a really long time. My womb is staying barren for a long while yet.
The only saving grace I have right now is Jase - and the fur babies. The kitties let me smother them in cuddles, and Spencer pup is a crazy happy ball of energy. They make my bad days that little bit better.
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13 comments:
Your pup is gorgeous *hugs*
How will at the timing go with school hols? Excellent time for being a bit more relaxed. Yes you can stab me for telling you to relax.
I wish I could learn how to not put the dagger in my heart when ppl announce....there has to be a trick to it.
I'm sorry you've been having a rough time. Hope you O soon. Your pup is darling btw.
i wish that all my years spent ttc enabled me to give you an answer that could help you through the minefield that is pregnancy announcements, months passing by with no bfp and not ovulating but alas it hasn't :(
i wish i could tell you that it gets easier, that the pregnancy announcements don't hurt after awhile but that was never my experience. i did find that i was happier for some more than others, i'm not sure why. sure for some it was because they were longterm ttcers like myself but others weren't and yet i was ecstatically happy for them - i think a lot had to do with how they announced their news, how grateful they were for their blessing etc
i'm still keeping everything crossed for you honey and in the mean time, make sure you smother yourself in cuddles from that gorgeous hubby of yours, your cats and enjoy some lovely new puppy licks - that kind of love can sometimes make all the hurt disappear, even if it's just for awhile.
*mwah*
~x~
You definitely don't have to stay positive everyday and are allowed to feel down, angry, depressed or anyway you are. Just remember that the sun does shine after every storm. Thinking about you and hoping for better days ahead. Btw Spencer is too cute! Looking at that little guy would make the hardest men smile :)
I'm sorry things are hard right now, Aly. Sending a big hug to you from across the globe. I'm glad you have that adorable fuzzball Spencer to keep you happy and entertained, though. Keep on keeping on, as they say. xoxoxo
Thinking of you hun and hope this cycle is just a little late in getting going and things start happening for you soon... your little fur ball is adorable xoxo
what an ADORABLE furbaby!!!
I'm sorry that the pregnancy announcements are coming out of the wood work.... {{HUGS}}
Happy ICLW from #3
I'm sorry you're not feeling too great.... I know how it feels when everyone seems to be pregnant, and it seems to be so easy for them. BUt it is not always like that. Some people have to wait for a long long time before they conceive. Trust me, I know. I thought I'd never get pregnant. I seems perfectly healthy, and I just didn't get pregnant. Now I am, and everyone thinks it was easy. Even those who know how much we struggled.
Aly, I'm so sorry that this has been such a rough journey on you. At least you have that adorable pup to snuggle when you're feeling down!
You also have a Versatile Blogger award waiting for you at Rhymes With Tao. It's nowhere near the news you want, but I hope it adds a little light to your day.
http://rhymeswithtao.blogspot.com/2012/05/revolution-of-blog.html#.T8UtcrRYu0w
oh friend, i can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling but we're all here for you and i'm keeping you in my thoughts hoping for those two pink lines! xo
I can't even begin to imagine how frustrating this process must be for you. I'm glad that you and others have shared your experiences and difficulties getting pregnant because it's made me so much more sensitive to the reality of getting pregnant. Hugs to you, lady.
Pets are the most wonderful support, I have scaly and feathery babies and they still give cuddles when days are bad xx
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