Getting my official negative pregnancy test on Mother's Day has been the hardest part of this IVF process so far. If you've followed my journey, you'll know that I was trying to numb the pain by being ridiculously prepared - but for all my efforts, it still hurts. It hurts a lot. I feel like I've failed, again, let everybody down.
I was driving home late at night a few days ago when I heard a song. I hadn't cried yet, haven't officially acknowledged the fact that this cycle is over. I sang along, top of my lungs, pretending to be Adele, and realised halfway through that I had tears streaming down my face. It's time to move on.
So to all my people, to everyone who's hurting today, to my online & blogging friends who are struggling, or have gone through disappointment or heartache, to the incredible support system of incredible women who are selfless enough to lend support to others in the midst of their own sadness, to those who have graduated and are expecting great things of their own, to the wonderful ladies in my life {love you mum/nan} ... this one is for you.
Somewhere between the end and the point where we begin,
There's a fire burning brightly, that's found it's way to dim.
When the feeling's gone, shine on, shine on and on to something new,
It's long and overdue, I will remember you.
Shine on, shine on and let the others see
You've got your victory - will you remember me?
So I'll take just one more step in front of you,
For I am with you still - and you're not alone.
Shine on, shine on and on to something new,
It's long and overdue, I will remember you.
Shine on, shine on and let the others see
You've got your victory - will you remember me?
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11 comments:
*giant hugs*
Sending you all my love and hugs Aly.
So many warm thoughts to you.
Jag I am so sorry! I was really holding out hope for you! I will continue to support you as long as it takes, but I feel really confident that next Mother's Day will be a much different story than this one.
Lots of love!
So sorry for your sad news. Thinking of you.
Sorry you had to get the shitty confirmation on Mother's Day =(
Oh I'm so so sorry, jag. I was holding out so much hope for you. But you're so strong, one of the strongest women I 'know'. You and your hubby will make it through this, and you'll be incredible parents someday soon.
Hugs,
Smarties (Alley)
I am really sorry, I kept coming back to check in and see how you're doing and held a lot of hope it would be a positive for you. You will get through this and you will be an amazing mother when you do.
I'm sorry you had to get your official negative on Mother's Day. I started spotting through the progesterone yesterday so that basically tells me that my IUI didn't work either. *sigh*
Thank you for your Mother's day post. I got goosebumps reading the lyrics to the song. SHINE ON.
Beautiful words... I'm so so sorry to hear that you got your result on Mother's Day. Thinking of you and hope next year is more peaceful for you... love always xoxo
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