The Weekly Run-Down: 15

How Far Along: 15 weeks along, with a few days to spare.

Size of baby: Some say apples, some say oranges. Either way, we're getting bigger & heavier! :)

Random & Interesting Developmental Stuff:  Here's this week's run-down:

Lanugo, your baby's first ultrafine, downy hair, now covers his back, shoulders, ears, and forehead. It helps him retain body heat, but once he gains enough fat to do the job, this hair will fall off -- probably before birth. Facial expressions are your baby's newest trick -- he can frown, squint, grimace and wince. Don't worry -- he's just flexing his facial muscles, not indicating his mood.

Total Weight Gain: This week is showing exactly the same as last week. OB's Friday visit will tell!

Sleep: Terrible. :( It's not baby - it's this dreaded cough I can't shake at night, paired with missing the hubby sleeping with me. I've been a zombie for these past few days, and I'm not a pleasant person right now.

Symptoms: Still with the icky discharge. I've felt nothing but bloated lately. Also lots of twinges down below.

Cravings: Fizzy drinks. Also egg & cheese rolls from Subway.

Gender: I'm still guessing boy.

Movement: Nothing yet. I really can't wait to feel the bubbles!

Maternity Clothes: Mostly normal this week, because I'm still not bumpy enough to fill things out.

Milestones: Nothing massive this week - parents commenting on the tummy regularly at school now.

What I'm looking forward to: OB visit this Friday, and 16 week sneak peek scan next Monday. I am SO ready to find out whether this baby is a he or a she!!!

The belly: Still feeling large and in charge - especially at the end of the day. It'll be selfies for a few weeks. :)

You can catch up on my weekly pregnancy updates {in reverse order} by clicking here. For bump shots - go here!

15 weeks + 1 day

Well folks, I am officially a single lady - for a few weeks, at least. Hubby is safely in Germany and I'm trying to keep myself busy here at home.

Luckily, I have been booked up this week by lovely people keeping me company and keeping me occupied.  Unluckily, school dramas have been making me completely exhausted, so I'm tired in not-so-positive ways too.

I know a lot of people have a love/hate relationship with/about the use of at-home dopplers, but can I tell you... ever since I actually FOUND the baby's heartbeat, that thing has been a saving grace for me. Going so long between appointments, ever since the high risk scare, has been hard - so just having a quick listen every now and again to hear baby pounding away is awesome, especially seeing as I'm too early for movements yet. I have a feeling that wee baby & I are going to be touching base with one another more frequently now that it's just us. :)

My belly seems to have shrunk back in this week, though it's still bigger at nights. I hung out with a friend who's a few weeks ahead of me, and her gorgeous {and perfectly round} bump is definitely making itself known. Mine still just looks like regular me, just a little poochier. I'm still itching to have people notice that it's a baby belly, rather than an 'I just ate too much chicken schnitzel' belly.

I'll touch base in a few days to share the weekly update, though it'll be a selfy mirror shot from now on, since my photographer is in a whole other continent - hopefully you'll bear with me over the next few weeks!

14 weeks + 4 days

All is going very well on the baby front. My tummy feels huge, and I've had several comments on how much I've 'popped out' in the last few days. Today's comments were all asking how far along I was - wasn't 14.5 weeks a little early to be so big? Honestly, pregnancy is bizarre. First people ask why you're not showing - then when you do start showing, the opinions start! I, for one, am embracing the tummy, and happy that I'm finally starting to look as pregnant as I feel.

We've had some crazy news over the last few days, and I can hardly believe that some of it hits us from next week - Jase is heading overseas to Germany! He'll be doing some training and development with his firm's Europe branch, and he'll be away for just over four weeks. Can you believe it? We found out on Tuesday... and he leaves on Monday. As in, Monday FOUR DAYS AWAY. Crazypants. I'm ridiculously excited for him - it's a great opportunity, and he's been desperately missing Europe, so I was encouraging him to go along if it was offered. He'll also get to catch up with his brother & old colleagues/friends, since he'll likely pop over to London every now and again for visits.

(Jealous!)

So that means it's just me, the kitties, the puppy & the wee one for a little while. I'm not fussed about being alone - I've done it before, and besides.. I feel oddly calm and content right now. It'll make the time go by, and that's a positive thing! :) I'm going to give him a whopping great list of baby clothes and stores I want him to visit {mostly Primark for cheap and cheerful bebe bits & pieces} so hopefully we'll have a nice few surprises when he comes home in early December. I'll be 15 weeks when he leaves & 20 weeks when he gets home!

As for our upcoming scans, he's happy for me to go ahead with them, so I'm taking my next best thing: my mum! She was great to have with me at the NT scan, and since we had to deal with scary news then, I'm preparing already for future scans. {Preparing - not worrying.} Hubby still wants to know the gender as soon as possible, so hopefully if baby co-operates, we'll have a good idea at the 16 week scan. If not, we'll be trying our best to find out at the 19 week one! I'm under strict instructions to ring/message/email/all of the above, as SOON as I know the gender.. even with the crazy Australia-Germany time difference. :)

I also had to make a decision about what I was planning on doing with work for next year. Our teaching year runs from January to December, so I'm finishing out this contract and having a break over Christmas. I've decided to stop working then, since I'd only realistically be available to teach several weeks of February/March before I'd be stopping closer to the due date. If I feel up to it, I'll do some casual teaching cover days at my current school - they've been nothing but supportive, and I definitely feel as though I've made the right decision there. It's a weight off my shoulders, knowing that I have just under a term to go.

So, that's life right now. I'm spending as much time with the husband-man as I can this weekend, we're stockpiling heavy grocery items before he goes {cat litter, dog food, etc} and enjoying each other's company before he flies out next week. I'm also trying hard to fight a head cold that my students have been passing around, but I have a feeling I'm fighting a losing battle with this one. My immune system is focussed on the baby - just as it should be.

The Weekly Run-Down: 14

How Far Along: 14 weeks + 2 days along! Speed up, time. I want to hit some more milestones. :)

Size of baby: Baby is a lemon this week. And still sitting so, so low in my pelvis. Move up, little one!

Random & Interesting Developmental Stuff:  Here's this week's run-down:

The roof of your baby's tiny mouth is fully formed now, and her constant sucking reflexes are helping to create full, cherubic cheeks. If you're having a boy, the prostate is forming, and if you're having a girl, her ovaries are moving down into her pelvis.

Total Weight Gain: I'm up another kilo at my home scale, so I'm slightly terrified to weigh in at the OB next week.

Sleep: Doing okay! I'm trying to go to bed a little later, which makes me more likely to get through the night.

Symptoms: I've been really emotional this past week. I want to clean everything in sight, but then sleep five minutes later. I've also had some cramping & hip pain this week. More discharge, too.

Cravings: Toast with vegemite, and frozen drinks. 

Gender: Parents are starting to take bets, and today I had more GIRL bets than boy. Interesting!

Movement: Way too early yet.

Maternity Clothes: I love maternity clothes. Heck yes for the stretchy waistlines.

Milestones: I think I may have the beginnings of a 'I didn't eat too much cheese' belly. Also, I'm able to consistently find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler now, and it's such a relief to hear him bouncing away in there.

What I'm looking forward to: Our next OB visit is next Friday, and then our early scan is the following week. I'm hanging out for the chance to see the baby again!

The belly: Could it be, that I'm finally popping out? I feel HUGE by the end of the day.

You can catch up on my weekly pregnancy updates {in reverse order} by clicking here. For bump shots - go here!

14 weeks

Greetings, ICLW friends - and all my lovely bloggy friends. If you're new around these parts, here's our history:

• TTC with PCOS since December 2010
• Anovulatory cycles for months on end, super long waits between TTC
• Several rounds of Clomid - ovulated twice, all BFN
• Hubby's results came back concerning - low morph & average count
• IVF #1 - 5 eggs, 3 mature, only 1 successful 3-day embryo to transfer. BFN.
• IVF #2 - 3 eggs, 3 mature, all 3 made it to blastocysts! We transferred 1@5 days - BFP.

We are currently 14 weeks pregnant. We had a scary NT ultrasound, being classified as high risk thanks to some dodgy bloodwork - so now we're just getting through day by day, week by week, hoping baby is growing the way he/she should be. It's hard waiting around & praying for the best outlook possible, but I'm just so grateful to be pregnant. This wee one is a miracle & is a cute little bugger, that much I know already. :)

After work today, I had two parents size me up after the day had ended. Since we have a pretty good parent/teacher relationship, I went to say hello - they said they were noticing how much my belly had gotten bigger from morning to afternoon. (I laughed & told them it was my food baby.) Both said that they had girl vibes. I suppose we'll have to wait & see how right they were - but it was nice to be noticed for a change, in a 'pregnant' kind of way. 

B vs D

Weird title for a blog post, right? It probably seems even weirder when I tell you that it's a post about stomachs.

It seems there are two types of bellies in pregnancy. There's the 'D' belly - the one that pops out gradually {and then NOT so gradually!} and forms a lovely round basketball. And there's the 'B' belly, the one that is divided into two - a part above the belly, and a section underneath. I've had that belly for the longest of times.

I'm sure it's no surprise, but I really, and I mean reallyreallyreallyreally REALLY want to eventually have a 'D'.

Sometimes I get envious of baby bump pictures and threads, as there are so many beautiful bumps out there that stand out all on their own. When we've been taking our weekly shots, I cup my stomach with my hands, so that the 'B' is less noticeable, because it feels more like my regular belly size than it does a pregnant mama tum.

It's still early days for us now at 13 weeks + 4 days, but I do see the lower part of my belly starting to swell a wee bit. When I use our doppler, I find baby way down low underneath my tummy & still near my pelvis - so there's still a lot of room to move up. My hope is that as things to start to rise and shift, the 'B' will become a 'D'.

Whatever happens, I'm ready to embrace the belly. It suddenly feels as though time has slowed down again, since we're slow on appointments and scans for a good few weeks yet... so this is something that I can look forward to!

The Weekly Run-Down: 13

How Far Along: 13.5 weeks and ridiculously chuffed to be heading into the second trimester.

Size of baby: Baby is the size of a peach! Mmmm, peaches. Now I kind of want to eat a peach. Is that weird?

Random & Interesting Developmental Stuff:  Here's this week's run-down:

Your baby is constantly getting bigger and cuter, and his face is looking more human-like every day. His ears have moved up from his neck into place and his eyes -- which are looking more and more like your baby blues (or browns, or greens) -- have moved from the sides of the head to the front of the face. Up until now, his head has been outpacing his body, but now his body is growing faster. His legs still need to grow longer, but this week his arms will lengthen to be proportionate with his body, and he'll be able to stick his thumb in his mouth. Also by now, all of your baby's essential organs and systems have formed.

Total Weight Gain: I'm up about 1kg. Pretty sure my appetite is coming back.

Sleep: I am back to being really tired again, thanks to school having gone back. Exhausted, all the time.

Symptoms: Cramping, tiredness, discharge again (joy!) and raging hunger.

Cravings: Bread, this week. I've had my Subway fix, I've had my toast fix.. not sure where this came from.

Gender: I'm still feeling boy.

Movement: Way too early yet.

Maternity Clothes: I am in my stretchy maternity jeans this week. They are glorious. How will I ever go back to normal jeans again?

Milestones: Getting into the second trimester is pretty darned cool. I also officially found the baby's heartbeat on our doppler here at home - such an amazing feeling/sound.

What I'm looking forward to: A few weeks until our next OB appointment, but I'm already thinking ahead to the next ultrasound. It's ridiculous how attached I am to this baby.

The belly: The belly is a little bit pointier this week, I think.

You can catch up on my weekly pregnancy updates {in reverse order} by clicking here. For bump shots - go here!

Second Trimester!

There seems to be a little discrepancy on when the second trimester actually starts, but I've always believed it was from 13 weeks - so I'm sticking to it. This morning, I hit that magic number & that magic stage of pregnancy. It's onwards and upwards (& hopefully outwards, belly wise) from here!

I've had some pretty crazy cramping over the last few days, but otherwise, have felt really well. The tiredness is back, however I blame that mostly on starting back at work last week. I am going to find the next few months really tough, I can already feel my energy and enthusiasm waning a little bit. I love my kiddies, but I really hope this term by goes by quickly. I just want to be at Christmas, already.

In the home and wife department, I've been a bit of a slacker. I have barely cooked in weeks, because there is nothing that I feel like eating - my poor husband. I've let things get messy, which is unlike me. Yesterday I had a burst of energy; I just wanted to tidy something. Since my kitchen has been neglected for a while, I decided to start there. A few hours later, every cupboard was shining, the pantry was organised, and I think it looked beautiful!

I kind of hope I have some more of these little energy bursts, because I have plenty of other rooms in the house that need a little TLC right now. One room at a time, right? :) I think I'll do the dining/lounge room next.

12 weeks + 5 days

I feel like I've run a marathon this week - thank goodness for the weekend! It's been a draining few days, and I'm happy to soon be leaving them behind & starting fresh... in the second trimester. {Woo!}

In case you were wondering, I really am doing okay. I mentioned how I was worrying a few days ago, and yes, I am - but not to the point where I'm making myself stressed out. The 'high risk' and the low PAPP-A, well, they're not going anywhere, but there is absolutely nothing that I can do about them, so I'm putting them out of my head. I'd like to think that my worries are natural preggo 'I want my baby to be okay' worries. I promise: all is good.

In more cheerful news, I finally found Baby Jag this afternoon! I've spent the last few weeks randomly searching for the heartbeat. I've been going blind, because.. I don't know where my uterus is. I have a belly in the way after all, and I can't blame it on the little one yet!

I had a grope around and found my own heartbeat echo, again. Disappointed, I was ready to give up, until I randomly heard a noise I hadn't heard before. It was kind of swooshy, but not gurgling - so I stuck around that area for a bit and then, baby! Definitely baby! It was a super fast heartbeat, hiding from me every now and again. Amazing. I recorded some on my phone, in case I couldn't find it later. We tried later, and hubby got to hear it too.

It's ridiculous to admit just how in love with that sound I am - but I'll man up to it. :)

12 weeks + 3 days

I heard back from the obstetrician today, in regards to our NT scan earlier this week. I'd been playing phone tag for the past few days, and it was good to finally chat with him. He asked us if we had changed our initial plan of NOT having an Amnio after our high risk rating & was very supportive when I told him that we felt the same way: no further testing. He then went on to explain that the blood hormone testing is fairly modern, and that low readings tended to warrant monitoring, but not panic.

The free hCG was low, but not aggressively so {0.58} - this he wasn't too concerned with. The PAPP-A was well under their level of concern {0.18} so he is happy to keep an eye on the placenta, and the growth of the baby, as the pregnancy progresses. He was quite reassuring, letting me know that he's had similar low PAPP-A readings in patients before, and on nearly all occasions, things turned out just fine. He does agree that it's better to monitor though, just to be on the safe side.

So the plan is.. keep taking it easy for the next few weeks until our next OB visit - I'll be 15 weeks + 4 days at that time. A few weeks later, I'll have the 19 week Anatomy scan, where they'll go over the baby quite intensely, to see if any other soft markers come up, and to make sure the placenta and organs are functioning properly, due to the low readings. Once I hit the third trimester, I'll have at least two additional ultrasounds to monitor baby's growth. Fingers crossed all will go well, but there's no point worrying now. All I want to do is get through the next few months, and pray that the baby stays healthy.

You know, despite trying to put on a brave face here on the blog, I've been a wreck the last few days. I worry at the best of times; especially now in the uncertain ones. It's been hard not to panic, to automatically assume the worst, to google the crap out of every fact and figure. 

As I was driving home after work today, I noticed a package on my front porch. As I parked in the driveway, I realised it was flowers - someone sent me a parcel! It was a beautiful box of flowers from my nanna, who was really lovely and supportive after Monday's scary appointment. That was all it took to brighten my day and to let me know that someone was thinking of me, and of Baby Jag, and it was beautiful. It's the little things, you know?

The Weekly Run-Down: 12

How Far Along: 12 weeks! Still chugging on along...

Size of baby: Baby is a plum this week. At the ultrasound, it was measuring 5.60cm - so we're growing!

Random & Interesting Developmental Stuff:  Here's this week's run-down:

As your baby's muscles start to bulk up at this stage, he's getting busy stretching and kicking. When you put your hand on your belly, your baby will likely wiggle in response because his reflexes are starting to develop -- though it's too early to feel his movements. He'll also start to open and close his fingers, curl his toes, and jerk and kick his arms and legs.

Total Weight Gain: Based on my home scales, I'm around the same as last week.

Sleep: Doing better. I'm still up every other night, but the occasional sleep-through's are appreciated.

Symptoms: Some very odd twinges in the lady parts. And lots of ... discharge. (Yeah, sorry about that.)

Cravings: I've been wanting a Subway sandwich for the last few days, and I'm still wanting it - chicken fillet with lettuce, cheese & southwest spicy sauce. Toasted, for melty goodness.

Gender: My mum is positive Baby Jag is a girl after the ultrasound, but I'm still sticking with boy!

Movement: Way too early yet.

Maternity Clothes: It's come over chilly this week - leggings and dresses all the way.

Milestones: Seeing Baby Jag look beautiful on the ultrasound, doing flips & headstands. We announced to the world this week, so this pregnancy is no longer a secret. I am also officially progesterone free - scary, eh?

What I'm looking forward to: I'm back to wanting to get through each week now. I want to see baby growing, and I can't wait for this bloaty belly to turn into an actual baby bump!

The belly: The bloaty/bump is still looking about the same, I think. What do you think?

You can catch up on my weekly pregnancy updates {in reverse order} by clicking here. For bump shots - go here!

High Risk

Those two words aren't ones that anyone would want to see/hear at their Nuchal Translucency screening, but there you have it. We're at a high risk for abnormalities.

Let me backtrack a little bit.

Jase couldn't come with me for the scan today, as he's beginning a two-week conference, so I asked the next best thing to come with me; mum! :) She was really happy to come along, and I was relieved to have someone drive me there, since I was a nervous wreck. I felt physically sick again as we were on our way there. I wonder if there'll ever be a time when going to see baby on the screen will be filled with pure joy vs. absolute terror?

Our sonographer was wonderful - she was so gentle with me, she explained everything as she went, telling me how great the baby was doing. Baby Jag was fast asleep, lying on it's back, with it's heart pumping away. Knowing how paranoid I was, she measured him for me, and bam! Back on track. 12 weeks exactly. Go baby!

The sonographer spent a good amount of time checking out the little one's organs, lengths, placenta and measurements. He's 5.6cm long and has all arms and legs, which flailed about all over the place later on in the scan. The nuchal fold measurement was normal, at 1.4mm thickness, and there was a nasal bone present. The heart was beating away at a healthy 164bpm, and my mum & I both cried like girls when we got to hear it for the first time.

We even got to see a 4D ultrasound - incredible. The detail is amazing! Baby decided to wake up then, and was doing crazy slides and kicks and headstands, which was hilarious. We left the ultrasound feeling relieved, and giddy with happiness. We have a BABY! Doing well! Happy as a clam. I couldn't wait to tell Jase.

Unfortunately, that's where things went downhill.

The blood results also need to be integrated into the risk factors, and as soon as our sonographer passed the scans/test papers over to the doctor in charge, I felt like I'd been kicked in the tummy. That's when I got nervous.

They explained that based on age alone, my risk for chromosomal abnormalities was 1:773. My ultrasound and age combined was 1:3865. But due to discrepancies in my blood-work  a very very low PAPP-A reading of .18 (when it should be 1.0) my pregnancy is considered high risk, at 1:169. The clinic considers anything higher than 1:300 as high risk, so I'm well in that category. I think I was in shock at this point; we'd just had such an incredible scan, how could this be happening?

She went on to tell me that it's not a guarantee, just a risk assessment - that was a 1% chance of something being wrong, but also a 99% chance of everything being fine. She did mention that babies with low PAPP-A need to be monitored for intra-uterine growth problems, but that doesn't usually happen until the third trimester. After explaining our further screening options, we left the clinic. My poor mum, having to witness me losing the plot.

At the end of the day, we won't be doing any further screening. I'm not risking the chances of miscarriage from CVS/Amnio screening, and let's face it - even if they DID flag up concerns, I would never terminate this pregnancy. This is our miracle baby and this was meant to be - so if we're greeted with a special needs child at birth, we'll be in shock, we'll deal with it, and we'll be the best parents we can be and love the crap out of this baby.

Besides... who couldn't love such an irresistible alien face? :)

11 weeks + 5 days

Okay... I am officially losing my marbles. Our scan is in TWO DAYS. Two days!!! THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.

{starts doing the 'crazy lady frolicking around the house in stretchy waisted pyjamas' dance}

12 weeks is so close, I can almost taste it. I can smell it, at least.. and it smells pretty darned good. :) I always said that I'd share the news after we got the all-clear from the ultrasound, so I've got a plan in place for sharing. Most close family members know already, so I don't need to do any surprising announcements there. My grandparents don't know yet, so I'll be ringing them to share the news. All my close friends know, so they're good... which just leaves my overseas friends/people I don't see often - aka, the land of Facebook.

I'm kind of excited to be 'coming out' .. having this secret has been really hard. I've had it fairly easy, all things considering - because of IVF, we've never hid this pregnancy from my work, so they've been very supportive. I will have to be creative and think of ways to share the news with my class of Year 1 kiddos. I think they'll be VERY excited! (& parents should be happy, since I'm not due this year and interrupting their kids' progress.)

I've staggered my progesterone pessaries pretty well throughout all of this, since I have TWO MORE ready to use: one for tomorrow morning (Sunday) & one for the next day (Monday). After that, I'm done. I'm really happy to be done with them; no more leakage! No more wearing pads like an 80's teenager! Getting my lady parts back! Actually feeling like USING them again, if you know what I mean! All warrant exclamation marks. It's pretty exciting stuff. I'm still terrified of not having the progesterone support, but I'm trying to have faith that my body will know what to do from here on in.

I still can't find a heartbeat on our Doppler. I know 12 weeks is still early, but I really thought that I would have heard it by now. I thought I heard something a few weeks ago, but looking back, it was too slow to be baby - must have still been mine. And last week, I swear I heard a super soft bébé heartbeat, but I haven't been able to find it again. I'm sure it's in there somewhere, buried in behind my belly rolls. :) 

I wonder if they listen for a heartbeat during the NT scan?

I'm desperately hoping for a healthy, moving baby - one that's growing well and looks strong. Wish us luck!

The Weekly Run-Down: 11

How Far Along: We're getting through week 11. This trimester is the longest one ever.

Size of baby: This week, baby is a lime. That seems quite big, especially compared to the blueberry/raspberry.

Random & Interesting Developmental Stuff:  Here's this week's run-down:

Did you know your baby can breathe underwater? She's doing it right now. At weeks 10 and 11, the foetus will start to inhale and exhale small amounts of amniotic fluid, which helps your baby's lungs to grow and develop. Also this week, your baby's ears are scooting up to the sides of his head. Sure, your baby's head is still disproportionally large compared to the rest of his body, but this will even out as he continues to grow and develop in the womb.

Total Weight Gain: I'm up 300g from last week, but still lower on my scales than the OB. Yay?

Sleep: Good news - my pregnancy body pillow is on the way. Until then? Still pretty average.

Symptoms: I'm really bloated this week. Tired, a few headaches, and lots and lots of cramping. That still worries me, of course, but I'm praying it's just my internal bits shifting around to make room for baby.

Cravings: I'm funny with food this week. I've wanted frozen drinks (ice crushes, slurpees) but that's it. Everything else, well, who knows. I decide I want something, make it/get it, eat three bites & decide I don't want it any more. I'm a fussy eater at the best of times, but never like this.

Gender: I'm still feeling boy.. hubby thinks so too.

Movement: Way too early yet.

Maternity Clothes: More stretchy clothes. Huzzah!

Milestones: Another week has gone by, so that's a positive in my eyes.

What I'm looking forward to: The magical 12-week mark.. and our NT scan. It's just a few days away, and I am so ridiculously anxious/excited to see if Baby Jag is growing the way he should be.

The belly: No real change this week. More bloat, not much baby!

You can catch up on my weekly pregnancy updates {in reverse order} by clicking here. For bump shots - go here!

11 weeks + 1 day

I've been down to one progesterone pessary each morning for the last few days. I wish I could say that doing that has seen no special side effects - but man, the cramping has intensified over the last few days. I'm usually okay going to bed, but I wake up at night with them, and I wake up in the morning with them. I hope it's normal 'baby-stretching-uterus' cramping, and not 'progesterone-related-oh-no-badthings' cramping.

I'm definitely in the limbo stage of early pregnancy. I'm bloating out of my regular clothes, but maternity clothes are falling off me, since I have no bump yet. At the moment, I'm living in stretchy clothes with elastic waistbands, but I'm tired of looking frumpy. It will be nice to actually look pregnant at some point.

Our NT scan is next week and I am so ridiculously excited to see the baby again - but also terrified. I think that I'll always be nervous with this pregnancy; infertility takes that calmness away from you; but there are a lot of factors that are making me worried. I'm nervous that the baby will be too small, since he was measuring small at the last scan. I'm worried that we'll have signs of a high-risk pregnancy, or that there will be something of concern that shows up. I'm scared that there will be no heartbeat. 

At the same time though, I'm trying hard to believe that everything will be okay. I'm here, we're in Week 11, we're getting there one day at a time. I love this little blob so much already, that I have to have a little faith, you know? We went through so much to get here, I'm not taking a single day for granted.

I also couldn't help myself... and bought something baby-related this week. How could I not? It's just so freaking cute!