It Doesn't Go Away

A lot of people assume that once you've had a baby, the sting of infertility melts away. I wish that were true.

Now, don't think for one second that I don't wake up every morning or go to bed each night, not remembering how blessed we are to have Georgia in our lives. Trust me, it's something I will never take for granted.

But hearing pregnancy announcements still feels like a kick in the guts. It's a reminder of something that should have been 'easy', should have just 'happened', was that 'natural' thing that most women can choose to plan.

So many things make me angry. Hearing people complain about it taking so long to conceive - and by 'so long', we're talking two or three months. It's just so unreal: we tried for almost two years, two years that felt like an eternity. And sadly, two years is small fry compared to so many others in the Infertility circles I'm in! Hearing about the OOPS pregnancies. Hearing the complaints and gripes about being pregnant: 'Why am I doing this?' - or worse - 'Why did I choose to do this AGAIN?' They have no idea how lucky they are.

Even people who I would consider close to me can't escape my bitterness. While I'm happy, and glad things have worked out for the best for them, I still feel sad. Why did it have to be us that had the hard slog? Why did we have to pay money, a LOT of money, for a child? Why did we have to go through months of disappointment, of surgical procedures, of loaded negative pregnancy tests, when others can get that BFP without even needing to think?

I'm sad that when it comes time to try for a future baby, we won't be able to 'time it'. We won't be able to try 'when the time is right' or plan for that perfect age-gap between babies. I'm sad that it'll take money, doctors appointments, stress. And I'm nervous that despite all those things, it may not even work.

I'm not an awful person. I'm so thankful to have this little person in my life, that we were able to add to our family of fur-babies with our beautiful baby girl. I just wish people understood that the infertility and the pain doesn't magically disappear after becoming a parent. It still hurts, and it sucks.

Just Us Girls

This week has been tiring. Baby girl sleeps beautifully at night, but gives me tiny catnaps during the day - and most of those are in my arms. I don't mind, but it does make it hard to get anything done around here! :)

She's snoozing in my arms as I write this, actually. Hubby left again this morning, so it's just us girls for a few days. The forecast here is cold & wet - which means snuggling under the blankies with this gorgeous girl.

Growing, Growing, Growing..

You'd hardly think that this gorgeous little face was in the middle of a challenging wonder week, would you?

Georgia is currently having another growth spurt and is a cheeky little thing during the day. She won't sleep {unless it's in the form of super short cat-naps}, she's VERY clingy {thank goodness I'm all for attachment style parenting and enjoy lots of cuddles} & she cries at the drop of a hat {or a chew toy}.

Amidst all the hard stuff though, she is learning so much! She flips from her tummy to her back pretty quickly now. She grabs objects and gives them a cuddle. She has figured out her tongue exists, and has started shoving things into her mouth. Best of all, she recognises me! Every morning when she wakes up grizzling in her cradle, I hover over her & tell her good morning and oh, the smiles. Her whole little face lights up. I'll never get tired of this.

And, she's growing! Four weeks ago, at 7+2 days, Georgia weighed in at 4.630kg. Yesterday, at 11+2 days, she weighed 5.265kg. That's a rate of 150g on average per week. Makes me feel better that my little one is getting what she needs from me, especially since our feeding journey has been pretty darned difficult.

She still feels quite petite for her age, but she's healthy and thriving & has the yummiest little arm and leg rolls that you could seriously devour. I wish it were summer time, so I could have her in short suits all the time!

This & That

Georgia is 10.5 weeks old. I have two grey hairs. I have no idea if these two things are related or not! ;)

Speaking of hair, oh my gosh. I thought I'd maybe escaped the dreaded post-partum hair loss epidemic, but nope, not immune. I have no idea how I have any hair left, what with the amounts I've been shedding in the shower. If only all of my hair was falling out at that rate; it'd be nice not to have to worry about shaving my legs!

Georgia has been dribbling like crazy these past few days. I automatically assumed that drooling babies = teething, so panicked, thinking her teeth were coming out early. I've run my fingers over her gums and can't see anything, so hopefully we're safe there for a while longer. The dribbling has coincided with her hands finding her mouth constantly, so it might be that. I already have a Sophie the Giraffe toy ready for her for the future months, but gave it to her early - she's been chowing down on poor Sophie's head already!

We're still solely breastfeeding at the moment - it's been a struggle, but I'm happy with how we're going. Georgia feeds on the breast during the day, and we give a top-up bottle just before bed, to encourage her to have a good sleep. Touch wood, but it seems to be going well for us so far. I pump twice a day - morning and bedtime. I don't get a lot, but I'm not as worried about the amounts, especially now that I have a freezer stash I can start working through.

Hubby gets back from New Zealand trip #2 tonight. We're hopefully going out for dinner tomorrow night, just the two of, for our belated 2-year anniversary. (It was yesterday, while he was away. I spent it with a screaming baby.) It'll be the first time we go out since Georgia was born - aside from a trip to the dentist a few weeks ago, which absolutely does NOT count as couple time, ugh. I'm actually looking forward to it; I'm drained after this single parenting gig, and I've really missed Jase. Plus, her grandparents are itching to get their hands on her for the night!

10 weeks & Sole Parenting

Georgia is now 10 weeks old - double digits. TEN WEEKS OLD. Practically a lady!

This past week, we had our first stint at single parenting: just us girls at home. Hubby has a new project starting in New Zealand, so will be back & forth a few days at a time for the next few weeks. Last week he was gone Tues-Thurs; this week it's from Sun-Wed.

He's been back at work for several weeks now, but it's different having her full time. I didn't realise how much I enjoyed having him get home from work & take her off my hands for cuddles - that was my break time! We even have a bit of a bedtime routine down; he bathes & dresses her, while I get her pj's ready and feed her, before getting her to sleep. Doing it all on my own was harder than I imagined it would be. :)

As challenging as it is for me to get used to, I really don't mind. She's good company & I love spending time with her. And it's just as challenging for Jase - I know how much he hates being away from her, especially when she's this little. We chat on Skype in the evenings, and I send him random pictures to make him smile. 

I give massive props to any single mums (or dads!) who are sole parenting - you guys are rockstars. :)

Smile!

Georgia has been doing the occasional smiles for the past few weeks now. Mostly if you stroke her face, or as she's drifting off to sleep, or as she's tooting happily away in her nappy.

It's only in the past few days that she's starting to smile out of recognition. I thought it was a fluke the first time, as I changed her nappy in the middle of the night & she gummed one out at me. But then, I saw it again and I wasn't so sure! I shed a tear when I witnessed Jason get his first 'daddy' smile this week. He'd just walked in the door and she'd just woken up from a nap, but was still down in her crib. He leaned over to kiss her hello, and she gave him the biggest, cheesiest smile. So beautiful!

Since then, the challenge has been on to capture it on camera. I have loads of blurry attempts, but she flashes it so quickly that I just can't keep up. Until this morning, that is. Are you ready for extreme cuteness?

Oh my word... that's a SMILE. It even lights up her eyes! I had just woken up to the sounds of her grizzling in her crib, so I walked across, leaned over and BAM. Killer. She saw me, her mama, and she smiled up at me.

I decided to test her out again, so I disappeared out of her vision, grabbed my phone and popped up over her cot again. And what do you know? Smiles!

I know all parents are biased, but Georgia is just so darned beautiful. I can't wait to watch her grow up. :)