... and Breathe

The last 24 hours have been some of the worst in my life. After speaking to my doctor and receiving the not-so-great follow-up beta results, we were basically expecting the worst. My numbers have always been low to start with, and adding in the fact that they weren't doubling, well, things didn't look great.

I called my fertility clinic in a panicked mess last night, and they told me to come in and have bloods taken this morning. After a sleepless night, I had blood drawn at 6.30am this morning.

The call came this afternoon. My 17dpo bloods are 246 {they were only 145 yesterday} & my progesterone levels are 'through the roof'- meaning the pessaries are doing their job. She told me to relax, that there's no good worrying, that today's number was a good indication that it's rising and it's doing it's thing. She also said NO MORE BLOOD TESTS, so I'm going to go ahead and agree with her on that one.

So, it looks like this now:

14dpo hCG level - 93
16dpo hCG level - 145
17dpo hCG level - 246

Total hCG Difference:	153 mlU/ml (164.5%)
hCG Doubling Every:	2 days 3.31 hours (51.31 Hours)
2-Day Increase:	178 mlU/ml (91.4%) (normal)

It's not a sure thing, but no pregnancy is - but all hope isn't lost. For now, it's one day at a time for the next few weeks. I'm hoping & praying that this little snow baby continues to grow and develop as it should.

:(

The beta results haven't doubled in 48 hours.

14dpo was 93.
16dpo was 145.

Not looking good so far. Am just completely beside myself. :(

4 weeks + 1 day

Ah, beta hell. I had my blood taken yesterday, and spent the last 24+ hours freaking out.

My 14dpo came back at 93 - and I'll take another one tomorrow at 16dpo to make sure it's rising appropriately. I'm nervous, but happy. Average is just fine by me, just praying this little jellybean is nice & comfy in there.

I'm having a lot more cramping and bloating than what I remember with Georgia. And the tiredness, OH MY GOD, I forgot about the tiredness. I'm surprised it's hit me as early as it has. It doesn't help that I'm also sick, and up all night with Georgia {who's not sleeping well at all at the moment} but I just want to lie down all day.

Speaking of lying down, the baby is napping... and so shall I... zzzzzzzz.

A Little Update

I'm just going to jump right in again, for old time's sake:

It appears that our little frozen snowbaby has decided to stick around! It's VERY early days yet, I'm only 8dp5dt - or 13dpo - but we are really, really hopeful that we might well have gotten lucky on this first round of cycling.

I was sure I was out a few days ago. I felt down, sick as as a dog, and apart from the odd squinty shadow on the internet cheapie pregnancy tests, everything pointed to negative. 9dpo, 10dpo, nothing. I was already getting ready to gear up for starting over. Then, on 11dpo (or 6dpt) I thought I saw a faint pink line.

Hubby had to take it into the light and stare at it from odd angles before he saw it - but it was there. It's gradually gotten stronger, and now we cross our fingers and hope it continues.

I don't have a doctor's visit until Wednesday, so keep your fingers & toes crossed for us until then.

If it was any other pregnancy, there is no way I would be announcing it this early - so much can change in these early days - but I can't keep a secret from my beautiful IVF community that I value so much. So, like last time, I'd ask that if any of our real life friends or family members are reading this, please keep it quiet for now & respect our tiny little secret. We have a long way to go yet... but are cautiously over the moon!

The TWW so far

1dp5dt - Georgia is sick, so we've been looking after her. We had a lot snuggle time on the lounge with blankies - lovely for her AND for us. Cramping today, thanks to the progesterone pessaries. Have NOT missed them.

2dp5dt - Feeling pretty normal, except for a niggly cough. I've had an odd cramping and pinching feeling, but it weirdly feels like it's my ovaries... what the heck are they doing? They've not had a big role to play this cycle! Silly buggers. Typical that they'd be annoying, they like to mess with my head. I was exhausted last night, went to bed and read a book at 8pm, then snored through most of the night.

3dp5dt - Georgia is still sick, and has shared her cold with me. We started our morning doing laundry, after she coughed so hard, she gagged & puked all over me/our bed, the poor little thing. The progesterone is just gross, as always. I'm so bloated and really warm all the time. Already itching to pee on a stick, although my gut feeling is negative - the blasty wasn't 100%, I have a cold, and I wasn't able to lie down much and chill out on transfer day like I wanted to. Odds are pretty small.

4dp5dt - Whyyyyy did I pee on a stick this morning? stupid, stupid, stupid. That had me staring at it under every different light surface, indoors, outdoors, just to see if I could see anything. I thought I saw a shadow, but it's ridiculously early. Today I'm feeing a little bloated, but this head cold is making me feel shocking.

5dp5dt - Can't get myself out of bed, feel like death. I pee'd on another stick and once again, all I see is white - until I stare at it long enough that I see another shadow. I'm a bit nauseous today, but it's all down to this sickness; can't swallow well, I'm hot/cold and all I want to do is sleep. Being sick in the TWW is just plain mean. I'm still hoping and praying that this will be a lucky cycle, but I would have expected a faint positive by now if it was. All these negatives already... well, not a great omen so far.

On the bright side, Georgia is finally perking up a bit!  Hopefully the worst is over for her. :)

Menulog Australia: A Review

It's a chilly winter's evening, and two out of three of our household members are down for the count with a nasty cold - myself included! When you're not feeling well, the last thing you want to do is cook: why not order in?


We don't tend to get deliveries very often, because hubby & I can't always agree on what we want. Enter Menulog - a handy website that lets you plug in your location & see what yummy dinner options await!


After perusing the options, we decided on Thai food - hopefully a little bit of spice might help clear the airways! One of our favourite Thai restaurants was listed on our local page {click here for even more Thai options} but we decided to be brave and give a new one a go. The restaurant we chose was Kinn Thai who are located in Castle Hill, NSW.

Ahhhhh... sweet, sweet food.

The site was very user friendly, even for someone who had never used it before. After popping in our suburb and choosing a restaurant {after looking at the reviews}, it was just a matter of clicking the meals to add them to our cart. This particular restaurant gave little pop ups to compliment your dishes - so after choosing the course, it gave you a preference of prawn, chicken, beef, etc. It also gave the option of spice level; mild, medium or hot. Once I had added our dishes to the shopping cart, it was just a matter of choosing a payment option - and boom! All done. Within seconds, I received an email and an SMS confirming my order and time. Also, to make it easy for future deliveries, after ordering for the first time through them, the website automatically created an account for me; anything that makes the process even easier is a big positive in my books.

As far as the delivery goes, well, that's related more to the restaurant than it is to the actual Menulog service. We ordered for 6pm, with well over an hour's notice from when we booked. It arrived just a few minutes past that time, and the delivery driver was lovely. The meal itself was great; pad thai for me & a chicken and cashew stirfry with rice for the hubby. The only fault I have with tonight's order is that it didn't come with complimentary prawn chips - an old favourite of mine! I have no complaints at all; was a simple, fuss-free delivered meal.

Delish!

Thanks for organising tonight's dinner for us, Menulog - the slogan says they're No.1 for Online Takeaway, and after tonight's good service, I'm inclined to agree. What are your go-to restaurants for home delivery?

Breathe Gently was provided with a complimentary gift voucher to spend on meals from the Menulog website - all reviews are my own. If you are interested in a product review appearing on Breathe Gently, please email me.

FET #1 - Transfer

This morning we transferred one of our frozen blastocysts, so we're currently 5dpo (or 0dp5dt!) - woohoo!

I even dug out my lucky jellybean socks, which are the ones I wore when we transferred our Georgia-blasty.

All morning I was anxious, with this being our first frozen transfer. Would our embyro survive the thawing process, or would they have to rely on the second one? Thankfully, all went well & our first one was fine - which means little frosty #2 is still in the freezer for the time being. (My clinic does mainly single embryo transfers (SET) which we are also pretty comfortable with.

Unfortunately their monitor wasn't working today, so we didn't get to see our little blasty before it was transferred, but the scientist said it looked good. Once it was done, the specialist patted my belly & told me she hoped it would be snuggling in nice and comfy for us. And now.... we wait. 

Fingers and toes and legs and eyes are all crossed. :)

Living in the Moment

I'm an impatient person, which doesn't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me. Lately, I find myself counting down the minutes. The time until Georgia takes a nap, the time until my next fertility appointment. It's easy to wish that time would fly by, because of the waiting, the sadness & the frustration that comes with infertility.

But then I blink, and my baby girl in front of me is 14 months old. She's walking with her walker and high-tailing it around the house, the same little girl who just a few months ago wasn't even crawling. I put her in first size 1 (12-18 month) clothes this morning, and realised just how tall she has become. I watch her feeding herself lunch and babbling to the cat, and have flashbacks of her eating her first ever solid food all those months ago.

Life's too short to wish it all away, to be constantly itching to move forward; I think we all know that! But it can be so damned hard not to will time to speed up; especially when you're talking about conceiving a second baby. How do you tell your heart to slow down and be patient, when you're desperately hoping for someone else to love? How do you not will it to be your turn now, next cycle, soon, when you're watching everybody else get what they want now?

I'm trying to appreciate life as it comes, and stay in the moment a little more. 

Bedtime is my current favourite time of the day. Our routine has changed over the months as Georgia has grown up, we're all constantly adapting and adjusting. It's the evenings when I'm able to take advantage of time slowing down, when I can appreciate the simple moments in life with my daughter. We've read our book, she's wrapped up snug in her sleeping bag, and I hold her as she drinks her bedtime milk. The moments after are the same nearly every night. The lights go off, she relaxes her warm little body into me, and we have our bedtime snuggles. I kiss her hair, hold her tight, tell her that she's kind, smart & important, whisper that her mummy & daddy love her so much, remind her how special and loved she is. Some nights I just want to stay there with her in my arms until she falls asleep, focus on that moment in time. Alas, she's a big girl now -- so she gets tucked in with her bunny, and off she goes to dreamland.

Right now, in this moment, I'm a proud mum to a happy and healthy daughter - and I can't ask for more than that.

FET #1 - CD17

These last few weeks have been hard. Jumping back into the fertility centre experience, this time with a baby in tow. It's bringing back so many feelings of deja-vu, as well as some new ones: apprehension, nerves, tiredness.

I always thought frozen transfers would be easy, but not so far. I'd rate this cycle just as stressful as a full stim cycle, minus the side effects. It may be less drugs and less jabbing, but it's actually been MORE clinic visits, more blood tests, and more paranoia that things aren't working.

I'm taking Letrozole {Femara} to bring on ovulation - but it's not working well. Since CD10, I've been having every-other-day blood tests, and my hormones haven't budged. OPK's and fertility monitor negative, too. Even the Clomid cycle last month seemed to go better than this one has so far.

That said, yesterday's blood test said hormones looked to be rising - so I'm still crossing my fingers for a miracle over the next few days. If/when I ovulate, they'll let me go 5 days past & then transfer one of our day 5 embryos.

All we can do now is wait and see.

Fourteen Months

This month has seen the milestones go NUTS. She may be a little late in getting to places, but when she picks something up, she picks it up fast! My clever little girl. :)

I'm getting taller!

This month Georgia has:

• Continued loving her food - the girl is a fantastic eater! She turns her nose up at some veggies, but if I mix them in a purée or a sauce, she'll usually give them a go. Favourite foods this month are pasta and sultanas.
• Shot right up in height. I haven't weighed her this month, but she's definitely feeling bigger in all areas - especially length. She's outgrowing her size 0 pants & leggings in the leg, even though they're still baggy on her belly. 
• Crawled ... everywhere! Actual, proper, hands & knees crawling. If she's in a rush, she'll sometimes revert back to dragging herself places, but for the most part, she's crawling properly.

• Not only crawled... she also pulled up to stand for the first time a few days after she turned 13 months old. Once she did it for the first time, it was like she was unstoppable; everything was fair game!
• Began cruising furniture. It started with the couch - she was headed sideways to grab the remote control, and then back again to hand it over to Oscar the cat. Now she's taken steps around a few of her toys, and is doing really well.
• Used her little pram walker and taken a few steps with it! She literally just started doing this the day before last, which made me a very proud mummy.

• Refused to let me put anything on her head, no sun hats, no beanies, nothing. Weirdly, she is more than happy for me to get her traditional 'whale spout' ponytail up each morning at breakfast time. We've started calling it 'the Georgia' ala 'the Rachel' from Friends. 
• Started doing more independent play activities - I think this comes with the freedom of mobility. She's still always going to be my clingy little girl, but it's great to watch her learn and explore on her own.
• Had lots of play dates with other babies, wait, TODDLERS {still not used to saying that} and has gotten on well with them. Makes me think now is the time to start getting her involved in a playgroup of some kind.

You can see all of Georgia's monthly pictures by clicking here.