I'm an impatient person, which doesn't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me. Lately, I find myself counting down the minutes. The time until Georgia takes a nap, the time until my next fertility appointment. It's easy to wish that time would fly by, because of the waiting, the sadness & the frustration that comes with infertility.
But then I blink, and my baby girl in front of me is 14 months old. She's walking with her walker and high-tailing it around the house, the same little girl who just a few months ago wasn't even crawling. I put her in first size 1 (12-18 month) clothes this morning, and realised just how tall she has become. I watch her feeding herself lunch and babbling to the cat, and have flashbacks of her eating her first ever solid food all those months ago.
Life's too short to wish it all away, to be constantly itching to move forward; I think we all know that! But it can be so damned hard not to will time to speed up; especially when you're talking about conceiving a second baby. How do you tell your heart to slow down and be patient, when you're desperately hoping for someone else to love? How do you not will it to be your turn now, next cycle, soon, when you're watching everybody else get what they want now?
I'm trying to appreciate life as it comes, and stay in the moment a little more.
Bedtime is my current favourite time of the day. Our routine has changed over the months as Georgia has grown up, we're all constantly adapting and adjusting. It's the evenings when I'm able to take advantage of time slowing down, when I can appreciate the simple moments in life with my daughter. We've read our book, she's wrapped up snug in her sleeping bag, and I hold her as she drinks her bedtime milk. The moments after are the same nearly every night. The lights go off, she relaxes her warm little body into me, and we have our bedtime snuggles. I kiss her hair, hold her tight, tell her that she's kind, smart & important, whisper that her mummy & daddy love her so much, remind her how special and loved she is. Some nights I just want to stay there with her in my arms until she falls asleep, focus on that moment in time. Alas, she's a big girl now -- so she gets tucked in with her bunny, and off she goes to dreamland.
Right now, in this moment, I'm a proud mum to a happy and healthy daughter - and I can't ask for more than that.
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4 comments:
Thank you for your blog. Your words help me deal with our current infertility issues. It is so hard to watch those around us falling pregnant when we are struggling so much but your blog gives me so much hope!
Goodluck
Hang in there Aly, not too long now.
Its always a pleasure to watch Georgia grow through your posts!
I find myself doing this some days, the counting until bedtime or such, especially if the day has been difficult.
I do love bedtime though, because we get to snuggle and read books and just be close to each other. Most of the day he's off playing and causing havoc :P
love.
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