I knew the minute my phone rang that it was bad news. No news is good news with my clinic... a phone call is the opposite.
The embryologists thawed my remaining five embryos on Thursday. Two died during the thaw. The remaining three embryos that survived, were left & checked this morning at day 3. Two showed very little development and were only 2-cell. One embryo was on par, so they decided to transfer that one early. The scientist said that if only one embryo looks good and is all that's left, there's no point in growing out to blastocyst stage - that it's better off back in my uterus, where it'll grow if it's good enough.
So with about an hour's notice this morning, we went in for a 3 day transfer. It was a pretty smooth transfer process.
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| Day 3 8-cell on the left, Day 3 VERY behind 2-cell on the right. Both transferred. |
I can't believe our luck. It's gone from one bad thing to the next, and I am getting to the point now where I quite honestly don't even know what we've done to be so unlucky.
Today's transfer means that out of 13 eggs retrieved, out of 8 mature and fertilised embryos, we didn't even get a single good blastocyst. 2 embryos {3 if you count the slow one, which I don't} out of 8 made it to a transfer. Not the greatest results from an IVF cycle. We had better success with our first few cycles, pre-Georgia.
Driving to the clinic today, all I could think about is how unfair this whole thing is. Babies that aren't wanted, pregnancies that aren't wanted, good people missing out on getting the chance to bring a child/children home to their family. Why it's so easy for some people to get pregnant, why some people will never know the grief that infertility brings to others. Why us? It was a bit of a pity party for two.
The universe is all kinds of fucked up, that's for sure. All I know is that we're not done fighting yet.
We'll battle on... because the pain of giving up completely is WAY worse than the pain of infertility treatments.
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8 comments:
My 3 year old son was conceived on our first IVF cycle, 10 mature eggs, all fertilised, but by day 3 only one viable for transfer. Our 3 day transfer was lucky for us as we ended up with a baby in our arms - but the whole time I expected it to fail since we didn't get any embies for freezing & no blasties from the remaining nine. Even after the BFP, I expected a miscarriage because I thought if the others were poor quality, surely this one would be also. Our 3 day transfer was lucky & I hope yours is too.
I also hope you can find some peace around the bitterness of the infertility journey. It can be easy to lose sight of the amazing things right in front of you. I was one of those lucky ones who naturally fell pregnant after the birth of my son via IVF. It still blows my mind how with my husband's MFI - I do call it a miracle. One month after my daughter was born - we learnt my mum had terminal cancer. The last year has been one giant roller coaster. I had a miracle baby girl, my mum's only & much longed for granddaughter - but the dark cloud of mum's health seemed to dampen all the joy that should have been. My daughter is now one, and we have recently lost Mum and many a time I have thought - Why us? Why my mum? But I try to remind myself how lucky I am to have my own health, a loving husband & family and the gift of another tomorrow - another day to watch my precious children blossom. The bitterness of why us? Can be all consuming & I hope you can try and let that go in a way. Everyone suffers, in all different ways - is it fair? Absolutely not, but hopefully tomorrow is a better day - at least we are lucky enough to have that. Wishing you all the best for this 3dt - hope tomorrow brings you one step closer to your much longed for little one.
Thinking positive thoughts for you. My very last IVF we did a 3 day transfer of 2 not so good embies we got lucky and got a take home baby. I am praying that you get the same results.
Praying for you sweet friend.
Before I did Donor Eggs and I was doing Regular IVF there were several couples that took home babies after just one embryo was transferred that was only 3 days old. Keep heart. I'll be praying that this one takes. If it doesn't I'll be praying that you find some healing thoughts.
Fingers crossed for you. This whole process feels so unfair....why do we have to stick ourselves, go through blood draws and awful side effects, while others get to do something more enjoyable?! If it makes you feel any better, my 21 month old is the result of a FET 3 day 7 cell. Wasn't the best looking embryo. Keep those feet warm...I swear that is what worked the cycle I got pregnant. You will have another baby soon!
Lot of people and clinics only transfer 3 day embryos so don't worry too much! Take care of yourself these next few days- I'll be thinking good thoughts for you!!
That 8 cells looks awfully lovely, sweetie. Big hugs and fingers crossed for you. I left my day three, not so great quality, probably won't implant embryo happily coloring this morning. It can happen. Saying prayers!
Sometimes I just cannot comprehend how you manage this whole process. I get all anxious and happy-nervous FOR YOU and I am just reading the little pieces you put online, not dealing with the actual realities on a daily/hourly/nano-secondly basis. Sending ALL the good vibes your way, my love.
xox
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