We were pretty giddy with excitement this morning on our way to the new clinic. Nervous, yes, but excited. We hadn't heard anything - and were hoping that would mean we'd have a good embryo to transfer. That wasn't to be.
In all of our IVF cycles, I've never sobbed my way through an embryo transfer before. Today was a first.
All of our embryos died, bar two. Both of those two were behind. They transferred the better looking of the two (still a morula, not even a blastocyst yet) and the other one we found out this afternoon was unsuitable to freeze, so that was binned. Out of 8 embryos, we didn't get a single good one.
I don't blame my new clinic. They did everything they could - at the end of the day, these weren't their embryos. They weren't frozen the way they would have done, they weren't grown out at the optimal time, and they were from a cycle that was frozen due to crazy hormones. But I honestly thought we would get at least one nice looking embryo; surely one wasn't too much to ask for?
It's like being kicked in the guts, all over again. And worse, having nothing left over means planning for another stim cycle, emotionally & financially. I just want a baby; I want off this rollercoaster.
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7 comments:
Ugh, Aly, I'm so sorry. It really just sucks big hairy smelly donkey balls when you get to the end of a cycle and everything goes sideways.
Sending all the good vibes I have your way that this little one surprises you and turns into something wonderful and lasting.
Sweetheart I am so gutted for you. I really wished for better news. but you know the old saying it isn't over until the stupid OB arrives, I am hoping she stays away for 9+ months xx
Oh, man. This makes me so sad for you. I'm really sorry. And still hoping and praying that this one emby is stronger than she looks!
Aly, I know its unrealistic, but I am hoping for a miracle with this emby for you... If not, I am hoping for a great stim cycle with the new clinic, PROPER type of stim cycle and freezing technique and sending you so much love!!
Man, I am just upset for you. I'm very sorry this cycle is turning out to be so very disappointing. It's not over and I have seen some get pregnant with pretty pitiful embryos, but I understand your wanting to just assume it's over. Our fertility history plays SO much into how we process and think about our situations. I feel about natural/low intervention pregnancy the way you feel about these IVF cycles. I know my chance at getting pregnant without IVF is basically non-existent and I have no other options so it hurts to have hope. I think you do what you need to do to get through this week. If it's easier to assume the worst, just go on as if it's a given, because I honestly don't feel that hope makes a difference in the outcome. Much love to you and hubby.
�� how gutted you guys must be. Thinking of you, Aly xxoo
Sending you many happy thoughts and hugs.
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