Four Months Old

... And just like that, we're at four months old!

My beautiful baby is changing every day - it's so lovely to watch. Watching her smile is just the best; it lights up her whole face, right up to her eyes. She's delightful.

I mean, LOOK AT THAT FACE. I am totally smitten.

This month has been full of smiles, screeches, and long car rides. She still hates the car, but tolerates it better in the convertible rear facing seat as opposed to the infant capsule. We also had to swap her pram from the flat-bassinet to the regular seat, so she's enjoying that a little more now too.

The most challenging thing about Claire is her sleep - it's not great. She's happy as can be, but she's up a lot. The longest stretch we've had is about 4 hours. I'm getting used to operating in zombie mode, but man, I miss my sleep like nothing else. It makes it a lot harder to parent Georgia calmly, that's for sure.

That said, she's still little. The late night snuggles and feeds won't last forever, so we're just going with the flow.

These last four months have gone so fast, I feel like I'm going to blink and I'll miss it. Love this little squish. :)

Three Months Old

Annnnnnnnd, in my sleep deprived haze, I have only just noticed that I forgot to update Claire's three month stats - and I'm almost ready to take her FOUR month stats this week. Whoops! #zombiemum

This last month, Claire started gaining more weight - largely thanks to having her tongue tie corrected the month before.

She also used to sleep ... which is one thing that has changed for the worse. We celebrated her first Christmas, even though she spent more time chewing on paper than actually taking anything in.

She's still been wearing 000 clothes but with those thighs... we aren't far off moving up another size!

She's not a newborn anymore, that's for sure. -sob-

Transfer-aversary

I still vividly remember our last transfer day. It was hot, and I was nervous. Nervous that the embryo might not have thawed well, nervous about another miscarriage, nervous about starting yet another year off with the potential for disappointment.

I remember how many times the doctor had to attempt the speculum placement. I remember them commenting that the embryo looked lovely. I remember keeping my legs tightly closed the whole drive home; something I've done after every transfer, even though I know it makes not a shred of difference to the outcome.

For anyone who's ever done IVF or who has never fallen pregnant of their own accord, that window after a transfer is magical. It's full of possibility - for a while, even just for a few short days, you're closer to being pregnant than you've ever been before. That shot that most couples get once a month, it's finally yours, after what feels like constant waiting. Those days have a lot riding on them, since it may be several more months before you get that chance again, if you're lucky.

You wait, you pray, you scream at the universe, and you pee on a million sticks. Most times it doesn't work.

But sometimes.. just sometimes, it does.

One year ago today, we 'met' our Claire for the first time. And now, she's here. I can't think of anything more amazing.

Baby Purchases I Should Have Made

Claire is 3.5 months old now, and has left newborn-hood behind while growing bigger every single day.

I sense she's going to be an emotional little poppet as she grows up - because she's either delightfully happy, or she's frightfully sad/angry. Life in the extremes; it's a real thing. When she was younger, I felt she would have quite a zen personality, she seemed so happy to go with the flow of things. Now that she's showing more of her personality, I am eating my words. She knows what she likes.. and what she doesn't like.

Unfortunately for me, those things involve sleeping, cars, being out of your arms... meaning I've not been getting much done around these parts, and that leaving the house is quite the challenge. That said - baby cuddles. Is there anything sweeter?

Now that we're a few months in, there are a few things I wish I'd purchased earlier to help with baby #2. It's probably too late to get them now, as they'd only be helpful for a short time anyway, but if we were ever to get to go through this again {wishful thinking?} OR if they should happen to fall from the sky into our laps, I think they'd come in very handy.

#1: A new breast pump

I kept my Medela Swing Maxi (double electric pump) from when Georgia was born - hoping I wouldn't have to use it with this baby. But, surprise! When Claire was having all of the issues early on, and when my boobs were so shredded from 8 weeks of tongue tie feeding, the pump soon became my best friend. Unfortunately for me, at almost four years old, it's pretty lack luster now. The suction is really poor, I've done all the troubleshooting to help it, and it's just not working. There are so many new, hospital grade pumps on the market now, I wish I'd just turfed the old one & purchased a new one.

#2: A padded swing

We borrowed a swing from my brother, but Claire is NOT a fan. Thing is, it's not the proper, cushioned, newborn-type swing, it's more of just a standard recliner seat that rocks. She was never comfortable in there & slid around a lot, so there was none of that blissful newborn swing napping that I've heard about from nearly every other baby in existence. I think if it had better padding & neck support, or potentially even the option to rock from side-to-side, she would have liked it better.

#3: A White Noise Machine

We currently use an old iPod docking station that has white noise options available as backgrounds, but we really need something that's portable and can go from room to room. We've only recently moved it out of Georgia's room and into ours - not that it's helped much with Claire's terrible sleep so far. There may still be time to invest in a good one... if I can convince hubby that it's worth trying.

Hindsight, eh? In the meantime... here is the reason I've been so busy and left my blog a little abandoned lately. This ray of sunshine // ball of emotions, she makes me smile every day. And throw in her bossy and fiesty and gorgeous big sister, and I am so happy... and so tired... and so lucky.

2016: The Year That Was

Happy New Year! I'm only a week late. :)

Reading last year's review post makes me sad - the place I was in was such a sad and frustrated one, and it was so, so lonely. If you'd told me that in a year's time, things would have been so much better, I wouldn't have believed you - how could it? But I was proved wrong. 2016 brought us hope.

I'm following the same format as years gone by - (2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014 & 2015)

1. What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before? Became a mama of two.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Surprisingly, yes! I vowed to get pregnant - and we did! :) 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I did! And it was wonderful. 

4. Did anyone close to you die? Not this year.

5. What countries did you visit? None. We stayed close to home.

6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016? A little more patience.

7. What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? January 28th, when we transferred Olaf. April 12th, when we found out that Olaf was a healthy baby GIRL. September 30th, when she was born & when Georgia became a big sister.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? With the help of bedrest, family and a good doctor, I managed to bake Claire until she was ready to be kicked out - and then thanks to a fast labour, I gave birth to her naturally.

9. What was your biggest failure? Wishing time away - now I wish it would slow down!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No.

11. What was the best thing you bought? We extended our deck and added a pergola.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? Oh, my lovely husband. I've said it before, how lucky I am - but this year took the cake. Not only did he take care of Georgia AND look after me during my weeks of hospital bedrest, he did it while starting a new job. He has continued to step it up and help us all adjust to being a family of four. My Mum has also been a rockstar this year. Very proud of her.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Quite a few people.

14. Where did most of your money go? IVF, pregnancy, baby stuff, pergola.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? BABY OMG BABY.

16. What song will always remind you of 2016? Turning Page - Sleeping at Last

I've waited a hundred years

But I'd wait a million more for you

Nothing prepared me for

What the privilege of being yours would do

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

(a) Happier or Sadder? Happier.

(b) Thinner or Fatter? Fatter.

(c) Richer or Poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Sleeping - I miss it.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stressing out - trying not to sweat the small stuff.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2016? With our little family, once again. :) 

21. Did you fall in love in 2016? My heart expanded even more this year.

22. How many one-night stands? I'm too old for these questions now, I fear.

23. What was your favourite TV program? The favourite this year was Westworld.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Yes.

25. What was the best book you read? I've been embarrassingly slack on the book front this year. I did enjoy 'The Girl on the Train' earlier in the year.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Well, they're new to ME - Straight No Chaser. I listened to them a lot at Christmas time.

27. What did you want and get? My sweet Claire.

28. What did you want and not get? Time and understanding.

29. What was your favourite film of this year? Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 32 this year, and we spent the day at the park with Georgia, at 29 weeks pregnant!

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having family things work out differently.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016? Stretchy maternity clothes!

33. What kept you sane? Friends, family & the internet.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I quite like looking at the guy from the Divergent/Insurgent movies.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Donald fucking Trump.

36. Who did you miss? I miss my Dad.

37. Who was the best new person you met? My lovely new Mum friends, who have been so lovely this year and got me through the crazy newborn days that I had almost forgotten about.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016. You've got this.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. “Welcome to the planet, welcome to existence. Everyone's here, everyone's here. Everybody's watching you now, everybody waits for you now.. What happens next?"

40. What are your resolutions for 2017? I'm planning on letting go of the small stuff, and living in the moment with the family I never thought I'd have. :) 

Happy New Year, friends.